Author

Cathy Lawdanski

Episode 6 | The Midlife Pivot with Ruthie Gray

Ruthie Gray has been my business coach for several years and my online friend for even longer than that.

She is a wife, mother of four adult kids, Gigi to two precious grandkids, and now an empty nester who mentors moms in home and business at RuthieGray.Mom.

Ruthie specializes in relational marketing and is the founder of the Community Marketing Framework System, taught inside her Authentic Marketing Membership.

Ruthie is also the host of the Authentic Online Marketing Podcast.

BUT….this is where she is NOW. In this episode, we talk about all the twists, turns and pivots she’s made both professionally and personally since she started launching her kids into the world.

Rekindling her love of writing through blogging.
Pivoting into her own business as an Instagram and Business Coach.
And the big pivot into a full-time caregiver for both of her parents.

Ruthie gets real in this episode about the “summer of surrender” when she pivoted from mentoring moms through her blog to starting a business.

And all the questions she had for Lord when both parents had health crises at once that have required years of caregiving as an only child.

You will relate to everything Ruthie says. Because we don’t usually make ONE big pivot when our kids leave home. There are lots of pivots, adjustments and times of surrender until Jesus takes us home.

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You might also like:

God’s Direction for the Empty Nest Years with Misty Phillip

Getting Unstuck in the Empty Nest Years with Christa Hutchins

October 25, 2021 0 comment

Podcast

Episode 5 | Weathering Life’s Storms with Brenda McDearmon

Brenda McDearmon is a native Texan and empty nester who enjoys Uptown Dallas apartment life with her husband of 40 years, Mike.

Brenda has been my “online” friend for a while and this summer I actually got to meet her in person when I visited Dallas for a conference.

When you follow her blog, Texas Over Fifty and her Instagram account by the same name, you can’t help but see her approach to life which she describes as one of purposeful spirit and intentional adventure.

She is the author of The Big Hunker Down: 7 Take-Cover Strategies to Weather the Storm of Job Loss and Keep Your Destiny out of the Bar Ditch.

In this episode, we talk about weathering the storms in our lives. In her case, she and Mike have weathered the storm of job loss several times in their 40 years together.

No matter what storms we face, Brenda’s analogy of what you need to do to “hunker down” in a storm will resonate with you.

What does “hunker down” mean when weathering life’s storms?

Crouching down or taking cover or attention to a certain task or idea . Hunker down place of safety.

Safe place for you to weather a storm or difficulty.

A place of focused attention to get you through the storm.

Weathering Life’s Storms | Job Loss

Brenda and Mike sailed through the first 18 years of marriage with Mike on the fast track up the corporate ladder.

Words like down-sizing and corporate merger were not part of their vocabulary.

After all, their parents had worked for the same companies their whole lives and retired with pensions.

When Mike lost his job as the result of a corporate merger, they had a young family with 3 children. It was difficult and scary, but God worked it out.

Little did they know, they would experience this same scenario 3 more times.

Every time that God has taken us through the storm, we’ve hunkered down, made it through and come out with something better in many ways.

Ways to Hunker Down When Weathering Life’s Storms

Allow yourself to grieve.

Accept the things you cannot change. Don’t dwell on “I should have” or “what if” scenarios.

Hash it out with someone you trust for a set amount of time. During the job loss seasons, Brenda and Mike would set aside a certain amount of time every day to hash out the what ifs, pain, anger and disappointment. After that, they wouldn’t discuss it again and focus the rest of their time on moving forward.

Every test is part of our testimony and so accepting what you can’t change is living in anticipation of the end and what testimony you’ll have when it’s over.

Have a mindset of expectation and expect God to do big things.

Learn how to pray big prayers.

Let your thoughts, prayers and speech reflect that God is going to do big things.

Recite scripture out loud. Mike and Brenda would do this every day on their walks.

Use tools that will keep your mind right and focused on the Lord – books, podcasts, sermons, who you talk to.

Start every day with the Word of God.

Plan the party – even while you are waiting. Something you are going to buy or do that will help you remember this season and how God world it out.

Brenda said “It’s exciting to look back and see how God worked out each situation”

Working with God in building our faith does take time and it’s always worth it when we look back.

Texas Over 50 Blog

Texas Over 50 on Instagram

Book: The Big Hunker Down: 7 Take-Cover Strategies to Weather the Storm of Job Loss and Keep Your Destiny out of the Bar Ditch.

Episode 4 | Building a Good Relationship with Your Adult Children with Suzy Mighell

Suzy Mighell is a Dallas-based Influencer and empty nester. She is the personality and content creator behind the popular blog and lifestyle brand Empty Nest Blessed.

EmptyNestBlessed.com is where Suzy shares everything that is important to us as empty nesters – from fashion and beauty, to travel, wellness, parenting, and more! She joyfully shares her life and faith with her followers while creating content to encourage, inspire, and bless them.

Suzy has been married to Bob for 30+ years and has 3 adult children.

A Good Relationship with Your Adult Children Starts with a Paradigm Shift

Lots of prayer about navigating this new season of parenting.
Learning self control and not saying everything that came to mind.
Being intentional in maintaining a relationship with adult children.
Being considerate and realizing the relationship has changed.
Your job raising them is done.

Your kids need to be able to invite you into their lives without feeling that you are going to intervene without their permission.

Suzy said she stopped looking at them as kids and started looking at them as interesting people with whom she wanted to pursue a relationship.

Build a Good Relationship with Your Adult Children by Blessing Them.

Blessing your adult children involves honoring and respecting them.

Encouraging and praising them.

Always find something to praise and be a positive voice in their lives.

Show your interest in their lives by asking good questions and listening.

Be a learner when they tell you about their jobs, friends and what they are interested in.

Be aware that their generation is different than yours.

If you see a behavior or attitude that you don’t understand, ask them about it.

Then, LISTEN WITHOUT PASSING JUDGEMENT.

Thank them for explaining their position to you.

Build a Good Relationship with Your Adult Children by Encouraging them Through Actions

Kindness and going the extra mile with their spouse or significant other.
“I love you” gifts, just because.
Asking how you can pray for them, then following up to let them know you prayed.

How to Pray for Your Adult Children | Six Bible Verses to Use

Six Practical Ways to Show Love to Your Adult Children

Top 10 Ways to Have A Great Relationship With Your Adult Children

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October 11, 2021 0 comment

Podcast

Episode 3 | Getting Unstuck in the Empty Nest Years with Christa Hutchins

Christa Hutchins is a chemical engineer who works as a project manager in the engineering and construction Industry.

In her coaching business, Do A New Thing, Christa equips busy communicators and leaders with project management and problem solving skills so they can turn their big ideas into a successful ministry or business. She is passionate about teaching women to find practical application of the Bible in their personal, professional and ministry lives.

In Christa’s weekly podcast, Just One Simple Thing, she offers tactical solutions, based on Biblical principles, plus just one simple action step in each episode.

New Direction in the Empty Nest

In the empty nest years, God wants to take whatever He’s already brought you, where He’s already invested in you, what He’s already taught you and amplify that in a new and different way.

8 Scripture Prayers for New Direction – Free Download

New View of Ministry

Ministry is not just the things we think of as “church” things. Leading Bible study. Working the nursery. Serving on the worship team.

Everything you see in the “out front” part of ministry has lots of behind the scenes management that takes place.

“Ministry is being faithful every day and using whatever skill you have in some way to be part of bringing people to Jesus”.

Looking for a New Direction? Dabble.

When we enter the empty nest season, we are often looking for that one thing God wants us to do next.

Christa suggests choosing 3-5 areas that you are interested in and “dabble’. Do small, low commitment jobs/tasks in each area for a time. A direction will become clear as you try out different things.

Don’t wait until you have clarity of direction before trying things.

“Clarity comes from action”.

What to do when you feel stuck

Sometimes the reasons we think we’re stuck aren’t the REAL reasons we’re stuck. Things like “I don’t know how to figure out the Instagram algorithm.” or “I don’t have enough money to hire an assistant” are what we think have us stuck.

The real problem is:

Lack of focus.
Lack of a plan.
Lack of accountability to help us do what we have committed to do.

Christa’s What Kind of Stuck Are You? Quiz shows you the REAL reason you are stuck and provides you with an action plan for your “type of stuck”, and simple, proven tools to get you moving again!

Embracing the Empty Nest Years

If you retire in your early mid-60s, you could have 20-25 years left to serve the Lord.

You want to find something that:

Is purposeful.
Feeds your soul.
Serves others.
Honors God.

While acknowledging that the empty nest years do include loss, Christa encourages us to embrace the new and what we are gaining. We gain many new opportunities to:

Serve.
Mentor.
Experience life in a whole new way.

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8 Scripture Prayers for New Direction – Free Download

October 4, 2021 2 comments

Podcast

Episode 2 | Stepping Into Purpose After Pain with Anita Morris

Anita Morris s the founder of the popular DIY Fashion Brand Anita by Design where she teaches women all over the world the basics of sewing their own clothes.

She’s also a speaker and best-selling author of Step Into It, Overcoming Life Trials that Lead to Purpose.

While Anita is so proud of her many accomplishments, she will tell you that they have come at a cost.

Pain.

Infidelity

Her husband, Cecil had an affair.

When Anita found out, she was devastated. Angry. Felt certain she was headed for divorce.

But by God’s grace, their marriage weathered the storm and recovered.

Living the Good Life

When Cecil retired, they were reaping the rewards of a long, committed marriage.

They were traveling.

They had plans.

Doing all the things they had dreamed of for this season of life.

Then came a devastating diagnosis.

Cecil had brain cancer. He died 8 months later.

Anita did not know how she would recover.

She cried out to God.

Anita cried out to God and heard these four words:

Stand
Trust
Endure
Proceed

New Purpose

Anita’s next assignment from God was to write the book, Step Into It, Overcoming Life’s Trials that Lead to Purpose.

It’s for women who need the reminder that God is still in control no matter what they are going through.

Her message is to take whatever it is that God has allowed in your life and step into the purpose for which he has created you.

Instead of asking. “What is my purpose?” your question should be, “What is God’s purpose for His Kingdom?”

Anita’s purpose is to “walk in obedience to the call using the gifts and talents he has given me.”

8 Scripture Prayers for New Direction – Free Download

Links

Mastering Sewing Basics Course

Anita by Design Merch

September 27, 2021 0 comment

Podcast

Episode 1 | God’s Direction for the Empty Nest Years with Misty Phillip

Misty Phillip is the author of The Struggle is Real, But So Is God, founder of Spark Media Ventures and host of top rated podcast By His Grace.

In this episode, Misty talks about how she asked for God’s Direction for the Empty Nest Years after 20 years of homeschooling her 3 sons.

This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through one of these links, I will receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Two Broken Arms

As Misty saw the empty nest years approaching, she began to think that she needed a new purpose after her homeschooling journey or she would drive her boys CRAZY.

Then she had a bicycle accident that resulted in two broken arms and a year of not being able to do anything for herself.

But in his kindness, God spoke his love over her and showed her that she was now the “older woman” with much wisdom to share with those coming up behind her.

God lead her to write The Struggle Is Real But So Is God Bible Study.

The Struggle is Real But So Is God

Each lesson in The Struggle is Real But So Is God takes a “hero” from the Bible, all of whom were far from perfect, and shows how God uses them.

Their problem was the same as ours – SIN.

But in this study, Misty shows us that:

Our battle is not with people but with principalities and wicked forces.
God has given us weapons and everything we need in his Word to fight these battles.
That even though life is messy and hard, God can still use us.

How to hear from God

Women often hear phrases like “God told me” or “I felt led to” and sometimes wonder “How did they know?” I asked Misty how she would respond to a woman who wanted to hear from God.

Come in a posture of surrender
Pray
Journal
Ask
Come open-handed with your gifts and ask the Lord “How do you want me to use my gifts in THIS season?”
Wait for an answer
Take the first step in faith. He will show you the next step and pave the way after that. God rarely shows you the whole plan at once.

8 Scripture Prayers for New Direction – Free Download

By His Grace Podcast

Six months before the release of The Struggle Is Real But So Is God, Misty started her podcast By His Grace.

By His Grace is where Misty and her guests share about life’s challenges, and how God’s grace, hope and love changes everything.

When By His Grace launched, Misty fell in love with podcasting. God showed her the significance of Christian podcasting in this day and age.

When God’s Direction Requires a Pivot

I asked Misty if she had ever poured her heart and soul into something that she felt God had called her to do, only to be led in a different direction? The answer was “Oh, yes!”

Misty said, “After you’ve written a book, people start asking , when are you going to write another?”

Misty DID write a book. 40,000 words on a deeply personal topic. An agent was very interested and began working with her. As the process proceeded, the agent asked Misty to make a number of changes that would make the book more appealing to publishers. Things just weren’t working out.

Misty’s husband could see what this was doing to her and asked her why she would pour all this time into a book project that clearly wasn’t working out and take time away from her podcasting.

It was hard, but Misty dropped the book she had worked so hard on and focused on the By His Grace Podcast.

The Spark Christian Podcast Conference

Misty found herself at another crossroads. She went before the Lord again with that same question:

Where do my gifting and calling line up for THIS season?

Two of Misty’s gifts are the gift of hospitality and connecting people.

For several years she had hosted a Christian Women’s Mastermind Group in her home, connecting, teaching and encouraging people.

From there, God gave her the vision for the Spark Christian Podcasters conference.

It was a dream that the Lord gave her that was beyond what she could do in her own strength.

She had never hosted a big event like this.

It was a day by day journey of asking the Lord for the next step.

Misty came with her yes and God opened doors that only He could open.

She took the first step and God was faithful to guide her to the next one.

What is your practice that keeps you growing in your relationship with the Lord?

Practice surrender – “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me”. Luke 9:23
Start your day in The Word of God so that you know what it says and can use it as a weapon to go against everything that is coming against you.

8 Scripture Prayers for New Direction – Free Download

Links:

Website

By His Grace Podcast

Free Copy of the Spark Media Podcast Magazine

The Struggle Is Real But So Is God

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September 20, 2021 0 comment

Blog

How To Restore Damaged Nails After Gel, Acrylic or Powder Manicures

Perfectly manicured nails. Who doesn’t love the look of the perfect length, shape and color you can get by going to the nail salon every two weeks and “getting your nails done” with acrylics, a gel or powders? But what happens when you try to go back to your natural nails? All of these methods damage your nails in some way, leaving them dry, brittle, thin and splitting. That’s why so many women go back to the artificial nails. It seems like if you don’t, you’ll never have “nice” nails again. But there is hope and I have found a way. Here’s how to restore damaged nails after gel, acrylic or powder manicures.

This post contains affiliate links for your convenience. If you make a purchase through one of my links, I will make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Why I Wanted to Restore My Nails After Gel Manicures

I love the perfectly shaped nails that didn’t chip, cuticles with no hangnails and long lasting color that I got from my artificial nails. Over the last 15 years, I’ve tried them all – acrylics, gel and powder.

At first, getting my nails done every two weeks was a luxury. When I started these regular appointments in my 40’s, I had just been promoted to a management position at the nonprofit where I was working. I was making a little money. My boss got her nails done. After years as a stay at home mom with no extra money in the budget for such a luxury, I was ready to treat myself. And for a while, it was great. Until it wasn’t.

At some point, I got tired of sitting in the manicurist’s chair for an hour every two weeks. And I had other things I wanted to spend my money on. So I decided to go back to my natural nails. Except they weren’t the nails that I used to have. They were thin, dry, splitting and brittle. And after a few weeks of looking like that, I just couldn’t stand it anymore, so headed back to the salon to get the artificial ones again. I continued this cycle for 15 years.

A few months ago, I decided once again to try and go “natural”, but before doing so, I asked ladies in my Facebook group who had done this HOW they achieved healthy natural nails again. They encouraged me that it could be done. I also did some research online and came up with this plan that restored my nails to their strong and healthy original state in 8 weeks.

What I Did to Restore My Nails After Gel Manicures

I had the gels removed at the salon, had my nails trimmed short and got a regular manicure. Here’s how my nails looked on that day. You can see they are thin, ridged and uneven.

My restore my nails regimen started with applying one coat of nail strengthener daily. I did this for seven days. On the seventh day I removed the nail strengthener and started again.

After the nail strengthener dried, I applied cuticle oil to my nails and skin around them twice a day. I followed this with a heavy moisturizing hand and nail cream. Why use both an oil and a cream? The oil absorbs into the nail bed better and the cream creates a barrier so that the moisture doesn’t escape.

I left my cuticles alone. I didn’t trim or pick at them because the cuticles are there to protect the new nail growth that is occurring underneath.

If I needed to file my nails for any reason I used a glass nail file. Why? Because a glass nail file smooths and seals the freshly filed edges, reduces the nails susceptibility to splits and breakages. It does this by sealing the keratin layers at the edge of the nail together, preventing peeling and chipping. A glass nail file is inexpensive and the best investment you can make in restoring your fragile nails.

Other reasons to invest in a glass nail file?

They do not dull over time.
They are more efficient than emery boards of steel nail files because they file and smooth the nails in one quick motion.
They can be washed in hot, soapy water and even sterilized making them more hygenic.
Glass nail files will not wear down, corrode or rot.

I went for a manicure every 3 weeks. At that time, I did allow my manicurist to trim my cuticles, but only then. I also had her apply nail strengthen rather than traditional nail polish.

I took a Biotin supplement every day.

Here is how my nails looked at my first manicure, four weeks after removing my gels. Still weak, but looking better.

I followed my regimen RELIGIOULSY and after 8 weeks, here is what my nails look like.

I am so pleased with the results! I’m sure I’ll be sporting my natural nails from now on! Yes, you CAN have healthy, natural nails after gel, acrylic or powder manicures!

Do you have your natural nails or do you “get them done”? Have you ever gone natural after having artificial nails? Let me know in the comments!

October 8, 2018 42 comments

Be Brave

10 Fun Things To Do In Bar Harbor Maine

One of the places that I’ve always wanted to visit is Maine. The thought of seeing beautiful lighthouses and eating lobster sounded great. And let’s get real. For this Texas girl, visiting anyplace in the summer with temperatures below 90 degrees sounded like Heaven. So when the time came for my husband and me to actually plan our trip to Maine, we decided to spend most of our time in Bar Harbor. Here are 10 Fun Things To Do In Bar Harbor Maine.

Why Bar Harbor?

If you love beautiful scenery and outdoor adventures in the summer, Maine is the place. And for us, Bar Harbor, a tourist destination on Mount Desert Island, seemed to offer the most bang for your buck!

Bar Harbor sits on Frenchman Bay and is right by Acadia National Park, which offers hiking, bike trails and beautiful mountains, ponds, and beaches to explore.

If you are looking for traditional Maine lobster, you won’t be disappointed. You can get steamed lobster and lobster rolls from many restaurants and lobster pounds. Bar Harbor is the place to enjoy the wonderful things that Maine has to offer.

This post contains affiliate links for your convenience. If you make a purchase through one of these links, I may make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Where to Stay in Bar Harbor

As with any tourist destination, there are a number of big and small hotels, bed and breakfasts, campgrounds and vacation rentals. We opted to rent a condo through VRBO.

The one bedroom condo we chose was perfect for the two of us. It was 3 miles from the entrance to Acadia National Park and walking distance to everything in Bar Harbor.

Things To Do In Bar Harbor Maine : Acadia National Park

We started our day at the Hulls Cove Visitors Center to get our park passes. We were about to purchase the $30 pass for a private vehicle that is good for 7 days. However, a particularly astute park employee surmised that one of us may be 62 (and it wasn’t me…just yet) and suggested the Annual Senior Pass for just $20. This pass would get us into any National Park for a year. SCORE for being on THIS side of 50!

We could have purchased the $30 pass online and not gone to the Visitor’s Center, but I’m glad we did. First, because they have nice bathrooms and for me, it’s always good to stop at a clean one before I head out ANYWHERE (can I get an Amen?). Secondly, I was able to talk to one of the park rangers about our plans and get some great direction from these very friendly and knowledgeable folks.

We were there during the peak of the summer season in July, so the park was full of people and parking at the main attractions is limited unless you get there early.

The Island Explorer Bus offers transportation to all the main park attractions from Bar Harbor or the Visitor’s Center. But after talking to the park ranger, we decided to chance it with our car because she said that the buses were often crowded and there was a wait to get to where you wanted to go. As far as transportation goes, it seems to be six of one, half dozen of the other. The main tip is to go and see what you want to see EARLY in the day.

What We Did At Acadia National Park

Sand Beach – This is a gorgeous 290-yard long beach nestled in an inlet with granite mountains on one side and the rocky shores of Mt. Desert Island on the other. Although the water temperature rarely rises above 55 degrees in the summer, we saw a few of the many people on the beach dipping their toes in the water.

There is a lifeguard on duty from Memorial Day through Labor Day and changing rooms are available near the parking area.

Hiked around Jordan Pond, which was formed by a glacier and is beautifully clear. There is no swimming or motorboats allowed so the atmosphere around this scenic place is peaceful and serene.

I like to walk so I thought hiking the Jordan Pond Trail would be a great outing one of the mornings we were there. When I hear the word “pond” I often think of the tiny, man-made pond in my neighborhood. Don’t be fooled! The trail around Jordan Pond is 3.3 miles. And although most of it is well-maintained and relatively flat, there are areas of large rocks you’ll need to walk/climb/step over if you want to make the full loop. But it is so worth it!

Following our hike, we had lunch at the historic Jordan Pond House, which is right off the trail. Jordan Pond House opened in the 1800’s and is famous for its popovers. We arrived about 10:30 am and were able to get our name on the list to be seated at 11. Don’t be discouraged by the crowds. Jordan Pond House is large with both indoor and outdoor seating and the wait probably won’t be long.

We lunched on lobster salad, blueberry lemonade and of course, Popovers!

Cadillac Mountain – Standing over 1500 feet, Cadillac Mountain is the highest point along the North Atlantic seaboard and the first place to view the sunrise in the U. S. from October 7 – March 6. Getting there early to see the sunrise or going in the evening to view the sunset is one of the most popular things to do in Acadia National Park.

We took the scenic Summit Road to the top of Cadillac Mountain in the afternoon, stopping at several of the scenic overlooks along the way. Each one provided beautiful views of ponds, the ocean, bays, and mountains. Truly breathtaking.

When you arrive at the Summit, there is a large trail where you can walk to different points and take some gorgeous pictures as you look down on Bar Harbor, Frenchman Bay and see the blue expanse of the Atlantic.

Whale Watching in Bar Harbor

There are several cruise lines that offer whale watching tours in Bar Harbor. We chose to take Acadian Boat Tours Sightseeing in Nature Tour which promised that we would see some wildlife, not whales specifically. This tour was a 2-hour cruise with an extremely knowledgeable tour guide.

We got lucky that day and we did see whales. Or I should say the blow holes and fins of some small whales. If you think you are going to see a Shamu type creature jumping out of the water, that probably won’t happen.

Other wildlife we saw were seals, jellyfish, porpoises and a bald eagle that flew over us just like it was a scripted show! It was awesome to see.

We also learned about the history of the area, saw some gorgeous “summer cottages” (mansions) and enjoyed the beautiful scenery of Coastal Maine. Pictured here is the Egg Rock lighthouse.

Acadian Boat Tours also offers these tours:

Sunset Cruise
Fishing Trips
Puffins, Lighthouse and Seabirds Cruise
VIP Somes Sound Fjord & Harbors Tour

I was so impressed with this tour company from the first person we talked to who guided me to a cruise where I would not get seasick to the captain and the tour guide. I highly recommend this company!

More Things To Do In Bar Harbor

Shop in the Bar Harbor Shopping District which is really the 5 or 6 streets that makeup Bar Harbor proper. Lots of specialty stores, touristy places, coffee shops, restaurants, and bars! Something for everybody!
Explore all the things there are to do in Acadia National Park. Take a Ranger Guided Cruise or Bike Tour. Explore the many different places to hike or rock climb.
Visit Agamont Park – a beautiful park on Frenchman Bay with plenty of benches to sit on and enjoy the scenery.
Take a relaxing stroll down the Shore Path, which you can pick up at Agamont Park. Relatively flat and not too long. An easy stroll where you can see great views of the coast an islands in the bay.
Have a cup of coffee at Coffee Hound Coffee Bar. Delicious hand-crafted specialty coffee and espresso.
Dine outdoors or enjoy at a cocktail at Bar Harbor Inn’s Terrace Grille. The perfect location for outdoor dining overlooking the bay.

Have you been to Bar Harbor? What is your favorite thing to do there?

Watch for my next post where I tell you about all the great places to eat in Bar Harbor!

You might also like:

Best Maine Restaurants

11 Fabulous Things To Do In Charleston

August 21, 2018 6 comments

Picture of Clock with the Caption Protecting Your Time When You Retire

Be Brave

Time For You | Time Management In Retirement

Have you ever thought about needing to have a strategy for time management in retirement? Or are you looking forward to retirement as the season of finally having unlimited time to pursue your interests at a leisurely pace? Just getting up and doing what you want when you want to? You may have to think again.

In the midlife “space” where I publish this blog, there is lots of talk about women pursuing new interests after the kids leave home or they retire. That period of time can be filled with a lot of angst and confusion as women figure what they want to do in this new season of life.

But eventually, they hit their stride as they step out, try new things and discover a whole world of possibilities. They begin filling their time with things that bring them joy. Trying things they always wanted to do and never had time for. It could be a hobby. Or taking the time to exercise. Or perhaps embarking on a different career path.

Then, this happens. Grandchildren are born. Parents get old and need help. Husbands retire. Friends and family members assume you have a lot of time on your hands and are free to help them out whenever they call. Before you know it, there is no time left for you to pursue that thing you have found that gives you a reason to get up in the morning.

While family and helping others are an important part of life, if you’re not careful, everyone else and THEIR needs can take over and you have no time left for YOU. And if you don’t protect your time, there will be no time for you!

My Story

After raising my kids, leaving my job in the non-profit sector and caring for both of my parents before they died, I discovered blogging. I love it. It is so different than anything I have ever done before. What was once just a hobby has now become a part-time business. It’s work for sure, but the writing and creativity and relationships that are part of the blogging world fill my soul. I find that if I don’t get to blog, I get grumpy.

I am also blessed that both of my adult daughters and 3 grandchildren live close to me and I get to see them all the time. I love my girls and the grandkids. I would do anything for them.

But I recently discovered that if I wasn’t careful, I could be taking care of the grandkids or going to kids activities every night of the week. And that was infringing on the time that I blog and do things to take care of myself like exercise, cook healthy meals and rest.

I must offer this disclaimer. My daughters are wonderful. They always ask if I can help with the kids. They never assume that I am available. If they ask and I say no, it doesn’t make them mad.

We’ve talked a lot about the fact that I have raised my kids and am Gaga now. The fun one, not the parent. The back-up – not the one who is responsible. They totally get it.

They also know that they all get the best of me when I take care of myself and have a life of my own besides them. I have friends whose adult children are NOT as gracious as mine and feel absolutely entitled to their mother’s time! UGH!

But grandchild care issues don’t have to be the thing that eats away at your time.

Maybe your spouse has retired and wants your attention 24/7. Or wants you to stop whatever you’re doing to do something with them. Or be home to fix them lunch every day.
Maybe your parents or other family members call and want you to come at the drop of a hat (when there is not an emergency).
Maybe people from your church or other organizations assume that you can fill in or take on a lot of other responsibilities because you are retired or an empty nester.

Or sometimes it’s not OTHERS who sabotage your time. It’s YOU!

Do you drop everything to help out with your kids or grandkids even if they don’t ask? Maybe because you feel guilty and you feel like you SHOULD? After all you are just doing ________.
Do you assume that because your husband is retired, it’s now your job to make sure you have 3 meals on the table every day, even if he can take care of himself, doesn’t ask you to and is perfectly capable of making a sandwich?
Do you feel guilty spending the time to pursue your own interests and passions, so you volunteer all over the place because you feel like you SHOULD, always putting your need for fulfillment last?

Don’t let any of that happen! In order to thrive in retirement, you need to protect your time.

Instead, try this:

Communicate! Talk to friends and family members about what you are doing, why it’s important to you and why you are scheduling the time to do it. Ask for their support. I did this with my daughters and received nothing but cooperation and understanding from them.

Schedule the time that you need to do whatever YOU are doing first. For example, I work out every day at 4:30. Sunday afternoon is my time to read and rest. I go out to dinner with my girlfriends once a month. I work on my blog every day from 8-4. Whatever it is that you do for you – get it on the calendar and let everyone know.

Decide in advance what you are willing to do for others and be pro-active in scheduling that time. If someone gets their feelings hurt because they think that you setting some boundaries means you don’t care for them, say something like, “I’m sorry I won’t always be available when you call, but because you are important to me, I’d like to schedule this time __________ to do________”.

Here’s how I worked out my schedule:

Kept two eldest grandkids 2 nights a week while Daughter #1 had some important appointments and no other childcare options.
Eldest Grandson had 2 baseball practices and 2 games a week. I said that I would attend one baseball event a week.
Daughter #2 and husband attend a church group one night a week. I said I would keep their baby every other week, alternating with another family member.

Does that mean I never waiver from the schedule? No!

Or that if there is a real emergency or need that I don’t jump in to help? Absolutely not!

Or that I don’t sometimes drop everything to take my daughters to lunch or just hang out with the grandkids? No way. I love all of those things.

My point is, it’s important to find the things that fulfill you and make them a priority. If the thing that brings you joy is babysitting the grandkids every day while their parents work – do it!

If you find great fulfillment pursuing interests and activities with your retired husband – do it!

If just having the time to “be there” for friends and family when they need you, by all means – give yourself permission to do it.

None of us is the same. It’s not an all or nothing or one size fits all proposition. Just remember to protect and manage your time so that you have time for YOU!

Have you found time as an empty-nester or retiree to pursue what gives you joy? How do you manage your time so that you have plenty of it to devote to these pursuits?

This post first appeared on Sizzling Towards Sixty and Beyond.

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July 30, 2018 3 comments

Be Brave

Ship Sponsored or Independent Shore Excursions | Which One Is Right for You?

One of the most exciting parts of any cruise is getting off the ship at the various ports and going on a shore excursion. I remember when I took my first cruise. I started reading about all the fun and exciting ship sponsored shore excursions. But there are other types of shore excursions besides what the cruise line offers. So here’s the question: Ship Sponsored or Independent Shore Excursions | Which One Is Right For You?

Ship Sponsored Shore Excursions

The most convenient way to book a shore excursion is through your cruise line. Other reasons to book through your cruise line are:

The excursions are carefully vetted and validated for quality and reliability. From their experience with thousands of passengers, cruise lines offer excursions that they know their passengers will enjoy.
You can apply any onboard credits you have toward the cost.
The ship guarantees to wait for you, even if your tour is delayed and you are late getting back to the ship.

Here are two tours we booked through our cruise line on when we went on an Alaskan cruise. Both were excellent and worth the cost.

White Pass and Yukon Route Railway Tour

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Shore Excursions With Independent Providers

[bctt tweet=”Did you know that you can book a shore excursion in advance through an independent provider? #shoreexcursion #cruise” username=”MySideof50″]

Did you know that you could book a shore excursion in advance with an independent provider through sites like Shorefox and Viator? Here are some reasons to consider booking through an independent provider:

They have different types of tours that may not be available through the cruise line.
Sometimes they offer the same tours as the cruise line but for less money.
Their tours often have fewer people than those offered through the cruise line.
You can read detailed reviews and see photographs from travelers who have taken these excursions.
You can find providers who guarantee that you’ll get back to the ship on time OR they will pay for you to get to the next port to get back on the ship.

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Shore Excursions With Private Guides

Private Guides take individuals or small groups around to the main sites and are able to tailor your tour toward your interests.
Choose guides with some type of accreditation through the local tourism board or tour guide association.
Book in advance rather than negotiating with someone who comes up to you when you get off the ship.
Do your research. Go on message boards on sites like CruiseCritic.com where you can ask for recommendations on guides from experienced cruisers.
You can also research private guides by contacting the local tourist office in the city where you’ll be touring.

Hop-on Hop-Off Bus Shore Excursion

Many ports have a bus line like this operated by operators like City Sightseeing or Big Bus Tours that are reliable, have quality information and good prices.

You can usually purchase tickets and get on near where you disembark the ship.
With these tours, you’ll get a map of the city, transportation to key sites and recorded commentary.
You can get off at the sites you want to see and get back on to go to the next destination. These buses run on a frequent schedule, so you don’t have to worry about long waits for transportation.

Self Touring Shore Excursions

You can have a custom tour experience without spending a lot of money by doing a self-tour. I’ve done two of these on our Alaskan Cruise with great success:

4 Fun Things To Do In Ketchikan

Juneau, Alaska Shore Excursion

If you decide to go the self-tour route, research your destination to find the must-see sites and the most cost-effective way to get there.
Read advice on cruise forums and cruise travel reviews to get the best information on your destination.

With so many options, take the time to look into each one. You’ll certainly find the best shore excursion at each port for you!

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July 3, 2018 2 comments

Cathy Lawdanski

What does “hunker down” mean when weathering life’s storms?

Weathering Life’s Storms | Job Loss

Every time that God has taken us through the storm, we’ve hunkered down, made it through and come out with something better in many ways.

Ways to Hunker Down When Weathering Life’s Storms

Every test is part of our testimony and so accepting what you can’t change is living in anticipation of the end and what testimony you’ll have when it’s over.

Working with God in building our faith does take time and it’s always worth it when we look back.

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Ship Sponsored Shore Excursions

Shore Excursions With Independent Providers

Shore Excursions With Private Guides

Hop-on Hop-Off Bus Shore Excursion

Self Touring Shore Excursions