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Do you ever travel with several generations of family? It can be a wonderful, fun, bonding experience. Follow this 5 tips to ensure everyone has a great time making memories together.

5 Tips For An Awesome Multigenerational Family Vacation

Have you ever taken a multigenerational family vacation? I remember taking them with my parents and kids when our girls were growing up.

And we continue that tradition by planning and annual vacation with our now adult daughters and their families!

I LOVE these vacations together. It gives us time to spend with our daughter who doesn’t live in the same city as the rest of us. It’s a fun time for cousins to play together. And it’s just nice to go someplace away from home and share new experiences.

But traveling with several generations does require some special consideration and planning. Following these 5 tips will ensure that EVERYONE in your family has a great time AND wants to do it again!

5 Tips for the Best Multigenerational Family Vacation

Family Vacation Tip #1 – Plan your dates FAR in advance.

When you are planning with several generations, figuring out a time when EVERYONE is available to go can be tricky. For example, my husband has been working for 40 years. He has more vacation time than he ever takes and can take his days just about any time he wants to.

Our kids, on the other hand, are just starting their careers. They are the “low-man on the totem pole” in their companies and are limited in the NUMBER of days they can take off and WHEN they can take off. So planning early enough for “the kids” to make arrangements is essential.

And as our grandkids get older and get involved in school and extra-curricular activities, there will be even more things to work around when scheduling.

Family Vacation Tip #2 – Have a “budget” conversation WELL BEFORE the trip.

Who is paying for what? For example, we rent a beach house every year and my husband and I foot the bill for that expense. However, in a few years, we will be on a fixed income and may not be able to do that.

What is each family’s travel budget? This will determine how far you can go away from home and what kind of accommodations you choose.

If you will be dividing up expenses, appoint one person to be in charge of this.

Family Vacation Tip #3 – Pick a place to stay that has SPACE.

The place you choose doesn’t have to be HUGE or especially glamorous. But it should allow for:

A place where everyone can get a good night’s sleep. Nothing is worse than a bunch of cranky kids, or worse yet, cranky adults because there isn’t a comfortable, quiet place to sleep at night. Don’t scrimp on this by piling 8 people into a hotel room!

A place where kids can play and be kids. A playground, pool or just open space for them to run around. A 5-star golf resort probably won’t allow many places for kids to be kids.

A place for some downtime for each family. You will have lots of togetherness on your trip. You will look forward to that time together. But there needs to be some time every day for each family to have a little time to themselves. Believe me, you’ll enjoy your extended family time more if you allow for this!

Family Vacation Tip #4 – Plenty of OPTIONS for activities

When you have several generations together, it is important to allow for different ages, energy levels, and interests. You may have 1 or 2 things that EVERYONE will want to do together. Otherwise, have your other activities be optional so that each family can choose what is best for them on a particular day.

Family Vacation Tip #5 – Divide up the work

Make no mistake – just because this is a vacation doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of work involved. Making the travel plans, getting places on time, keeping up with kids, meals, toys, suitcases, nap times, snacks….it’s a LOT of work.

So try to anticipate the things that will need to be done and divide up these responsibilities ahead of time.

Some of these tasks might include:

Meals – if you are at a place where you are cooking your own meals, how will that chore be divided up?
If you are dining out, appoint someone to research restaurant options.
Do the adults want a night out? Who will watch the kids? (Don’t always ASSUME grandma & grandpa want to do this).
Who will drive and keep gas in the car?
Someone to be in charge of the schedule and figuring out what time you need to leave to get places on time.

We have so many great memories of our multigenerational family vacations together. In fact, our 8-year-old grandson spends time on each of our vacations planning the next one! With a little forethought, planning, and communication, you can have a wonderful time making great memories together!

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April 11, 2017 26 comments

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19 Practical Ways To Help When Someone Dies

How do you help when someone dies? We’ve all faced it or we will at some point. I never lost anyone close to me until I lost both of my parents in 2015. Talk about opening up a “big ol’ can of whoop-ass” on the emotions.

When you know someone who has had a death in the family, you feel such empathy for their loss. You want to do something. Some people are good at jumping in and figuring out something to do.

Others of us want to “do something” but we become paralyzed because we don’t know what to do. I confess that before I lost my parents, that was me a lot of the time. But what I came to realize is that any gesture, no matter how small, ministered to my heart in such a profound way. A kind word, a card, text, phone call or just showing up gave me comfort. So here are 19 Practical Ways To Help When Someone Dies.

19 Practical Ways to Help When Someone Dies

People will be coming. Either out of town guests for the funeral or friends who just stop by. Here are some things that your friends will need:

Paper goods – plates, napkins, cutlery, styrofoam coffee cups, plastic drinking cups, toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, garbage bags.
Canned soft drinks, bottled water, coffee.
Meals – Lots of times neighbors and friends show up pretty soon after a person dies with a cake or casserole and that it good. But if you can coordinate meals through a service like Take Them A Meal, you can communicate with those who want to help the family’s special dietary needs, preferences and drop-off arrangements. Taking care of all of these details is so appreciated.

Transportation:

Drive your friend to the funeral home when she has to make funeral arrangements.
Pick up out of town guests at the airport.
Drive out of town guests or elderly family members to and from the funeral.
Take kids to and from school.

Funeral arrangements – We planned what I consider your basic, standard funeral for my parents. Nice, but nothing that I would consider elaborate. Yet, there was still a lot to do at a time when I didn’t feel like doing anything. Here are some areas where you may be able to help:

Video presentation – At many funerals, there is some kind of video presentation showing pictures of the deceased. This is a lovely way to honor them and share beautiful memories with all who attend. But getting all those pictures together in one spot, scanning those that need to be scanned and sending them to the funeral home takes a long time. Ask if you can help with that.
Help them locate and download the music they want for the presentation.
Take things that will be needed to the funeral home for them. Clothes for the deceased. Any memorabilia that they will display. We had a big portrait of each of my parents. And for my Dad, we had lots of stuff to display from his time in the military and his years of service as a policeman.
Help them get the word out about the funeral arrangements to those who need to know.

The Funeral

If an honorarium will be paid to the minister or musicians, get that from your friend and see that it is given to the appropriate person.
After the funeral, gather the pictures and memorabilia, flag, guest book – anything that was brought to the funeral home that needs to be returned and deliver it to the family.
Gather any flowers or plants the family wants to keep and deliver those to them. You may need to get several friends to help you with that.

After The Funeral

If the deceased has been living in assisted living or nursing home, the family only has a certain amount of time to collect their belongings. Get boxes and offer to go and help pack things up.
If it is a situation where there is a deep financial need, set up a fundraising campaign on a site like Go Fund Me.
Call on a regular basis, especially on those first holidays and anniversaries.
Send a card.
Send a handwritten note with a memory of the person’s loved one. If it’s someone you have a picture of, send that too. When we lose someone, we still want to talk about them and know that others remember them too.

The important thing in helping someone who has suffered the loss of a loved one is to “anticipate, don’t ask”, according to grief counselor, Megan Devine (refugeingrief.com).

Do not say “Call me if you need anything,” because your friend will not call. Not because they do not need, but because identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light years beyond their energy levels, capacity or interest. Instead, make concrete offers: “I will be there at 4 p.m. on Thursday to bring your recycling to the curb,” or “I will stop by each morning on my way to work and give the dog a quick walk.” Be reliable. – How to Help a Grieving Friend – 11 Things to Do When You’re Not Sure What to Do by Megan Devine

I remember the most thoughtful thing my good friends did for me after my dad died. They gave me a gift card for a spa day. You see, my mom had a stroke in January and died in February. My dad broke his hip in July and died in September. Most days during those 9 months were spent in hospitals, rehabs and assisted living with them. I don’t regret a moment I spent with my parents, but when it was all over, I was tired. That gift card to the spa said to me “We see you. We see what you’ve been going through. Here is something to help you take care of you.”

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March 28, 2017 52 comments

Review of My Most Excellent Year by Steve Kluger. Coming of age story of 3 Boston teenagers as they experience first love, accepting their sexuality, the loss of a parent and commitment.

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Book Review: My Most Excellent Year: A Novel of Love, Mary Poppins, and Fenway Park by Steve Kluger

I just finished a book! My Most Excellent Year: A Novel of Love, Mary Poppins and Fenway Park by Steve Kluger! Why is that a big deal? Well, as most of you know, if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, I LOVE to watch TV (6 Must-See Shows on Amazon Prime and 5 Best Shows to Watch on Netflix.)

This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. If you purchase a product through my link, I may receive a small commission. I so appreciate every click-through and purchase! Every little bit helps to keep My Side of 50 up and running!

I used to be an avid reader, so much so that my husband used to tell me “you always have your nose in a book.” I don’t remember that being a compliment at the time. But since the evolution of cable tv and streaming services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime, I seem to find it much easier to get wrapped up in TV show than to open a book. And I don’t necessarily think that is always a good thing for me.. you know, “balance” and all….

So, in 2017, I am vowing to read more books. I’m doing this by reading a chapter of SOMETHING every morning before I start my day. Which isn’t a stretch. I like to wake up s-l-o-w-l-y….with lots of coffee, usually while checking my social media feeds. And during the recent election season, that was definitely NOT a healthy way to start the day!!!! So I now start my day with lots of coffee and reading a book. A much better way to ease into the day.

This morning I finished the Kindle version of My Most Excellent Year: A Novel of Love, Mary Poppins, and Fenway Park by Steve Kluger. Kluger is known as an American author and playwright, whose writing includes themes around baseball, gay rights, and history. If you are looking for writing around these themes, My Most Excellent Year doesn’t disappoint.

[bctt tweet=”Book review of My Most Excellent Year by Steve Kluger” username=”MySideof50″]

Book Review: My Most Excellent Year: A Novel of Love, Mary Poppins, and Fenway Park by Steve Kluger

My Most Excellent Year is classified as Kluger’s first foray into young adult fiction. And while the main characters are high school students, I didn’t find the story at all juvenile.

The main characters are Boston teenagers TC and Augie, best friends who have classified themselves as brothers since they were six. Enter Ale, a beautiful girl who TC falls hard for. She has just moved to Boston from Washington, DC where her father served as a Mexican Ambassador to the U.S.

Each of the main characters has a part in telling the story that takes them all the way through high school. And Kluger brilliantly uses their instant messages, emails, theater reviews and letters, along with a traditional narrative to sweep the reader into their lives.

Much of the book is a traditional coming of age story: falling in love for the first time, coming to terms with your sexuality, coping with the loss of a parent and fully giving yourself to someone else. You’ll learn a little about the Internment of Japanese Americans during WWII and a LOT about musical theater and baseball history! See, Kluger sticks to his themes!

I loved every minute of reading this book! It was positive, clean (although I don’t mind reading the occasional sex scene in novel) and endearing.

Other books by Steve Kluger:

Last Days of Summer

Almost Like Being In Love

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February 7, 2017 10 comments

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The Top 5 Crazy Exercise Myths That Women Need To Know

Today’s guest blog post is by Sherry MacDonald, a personal trainer, nutrition coach and owner of Elite Physiques in Lewis Center, Ohio. We met last year at the Bloggers At Midlife Conference and discovered our mutual love of lifting weights, fitness and fashion. Today, Sherry dispels a lot of the exercise myths that those of us who grew up in the era of Jane Fonda, “feel the burn”, shiny tights and legwarmers grew up believing.

The Top 5 Crazy Exercise Myths That Women Need To Know

After being in the health and wellness business for over 20 years I still hear these exercise myths. They just won’t go away.

Let me tell you what I see. I have clients of all ages but mostly over 50. Some have never worked out and some off and on. Either way, many of them come to me in bad shape. They can’t get up and down off of the floor. They have back problems, knee and hip problems and much more. Almost always, after 2 to 3 weeks of training, they are 50 percent better. After a couple of months, they are 80 percent or more better. I see some amazing changes in my over 50’s clients. I have a client who is 68 and in better shape than some 20-year-olds. My clients over 70 train with me 2 days a week, play golf, and walk almost every day.

Everyone can do this. Join the YMCA or buy a workout DVD. Need more motivation, read Cathy’s post about Crossfit and what she learned from it.

[bctt tweet=”Weight training can change anyone’s life – At Any Age!” username=”MySideof50″]

Exercise Myth #1 – Lifting weights will make me big and bulky

[bctt tweet=”Exercise Myth – Lifting weights will make me bulky” username=”MySideof50″]

This is the number one comment I hear. New clients come in and tell me, “I want to tone but I don’t want to get big and bulky (B&B)”. So, after telling them, if you don’t want to get B&B then look at your diet. Very few people have the genetics to build lots of muscle and it takes time, heavy lifting, good nutrition. If you want to get lean, lose weight, or change the shape of your body you HAVE TO weight train!

You can’t tone fat so if you don’t build muscle what are you going to tone? Ladies out there over 50, you know how hard it is to build muscle and keep it. The older you get the harder you have to work to keep it. We have to work harder than ever and never stop! When I am 70, I want to be able to go to the store and get 5 bags of 50-pound bird seed and put them in my car like I do now at the young age of 58.

One more thing. Don’t be afraid to go heavy. You won’t increase lean muscle lifting 5-pound dumb bells.

Exercise Myth #2 – No pain no gain

[bctt tweet=”Exercise Myth – No Pain, No Gain.” username=”mysideof50″]

According to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, no pain no gain “is an exercise phrase that promises greater value rewards for the price of hard and even painful work”. Did you know this phrase came from Jane Fonda’s aerobic days? She also used the phrase “feel the burn”.

First of all, you should never do an exercise that causes pain. Even if you get halfway through an exercise and you feel pain or a pull, stop. Don’t think you can work through it. Stop the exercise and pick up that muscle group again another day. Second, being sore after your workout is OK if it doesn’t interfere with your other daily activities. If you are sore for more than three days, it’s too much. As we get older it takes longer to recover so give yourself at least 3 days before you work the same muscle group. Listen to your body!

Exercise Myth #3 – Exercising using machines is better than free weights

This is a big one and a pet peeve of mine. Exercising on machines does not let you use the small stabilizing muscles and the machines dictate the way you move. As we get older we need to focus on better balance and working the stabilizers. You can do this using dumbbells and cables. If you work out in a gym, you have probably used the leg extension machine; you sit on it and extend your legs out straight. This is a good example of a machine dictating the way you move. You are fixed into place and your knees can only move one way. We all have different Q angles (the angle formed by lines representing the pull of the quadriceps muscle (upper thigh) and the axis of the patellar tendon (lower shin). These should not be forced to go in only one direction. If you have knee pain or back problems stay far away from this machines! If you are afraid you will get hurt or you will do the exercise wrong using dumbbells then hire a trainer – even if it’s just for a couple of sessions.

Exercise Myth #4 – You have to do cardio to lose weight

[bctt tweet=”Exercise Myth – You have to do cardio to lose weight.” username=”MySideof50″]

It’s funny how things change over time. Years ago when I used to do step aerobics (remember that?) the research said that cardio was the way to weight loss. Do hour long classes and drop the weight. The longer the better. I spent 2 hours, 6 days a week in the gym. I looked good but I was only 21. Well, today that just isn’t true. The research shows otherwise. It’s true that you burn calories while doing cardio and a short time after. If you have ever looked at how many it is depressing. On the elliptical, I only burn about 152 calories for 30 minutes. That’s an apple worth of calories. Weight training rocks when it comes to burning calories! Not just when you are weight training, but 24 hours a day. The more muscle mass you have the more calories you burn. YES! I see this in one of my trainers, Jack. He is a competitive bodybuilder. When he begins dieting for a show he cuts way back on calories but as he is training harder he can eat more (healthy food) and drop body fat like crazy because his metabolic rate is increasing.

I tell my clients to do cardio to exercise your heart and lungs. Do weight training if you want your body to look better and lose weight.

Exercise Myth #5 – You can get great abs by doing 100 crunches a day

[bctt tweet=”Exercise Myth – You can get great abs by doing 100 crunches a day.” username=”MySideof50″]

Not! It’s this simple – if you want nice abs you need to build muscle. Why? Because you can’t tone fat. In order to build muscle you need to overload the muscle. This means using your legs as weights or using weights. You can check out some exercises at Elite Physiques. When using your legs or dumbbells as weight, you will only need to do 2 to 3 sets of 10 reps.

I am not a fan of crunches. They cause forward flexion (bad posture) and there is never a reason to do 100 of anything!

Here’s something for you to remember you can work your abs – everyday but in order to see them you will have to eat a clean diet.

It all comes down to being healthy, looking good and feeling good at any age. What you eat is 80 percent or more important than anything else you can do for your health. It’s really simple. Make time everyday for some kind of exercise and just eat real food!

This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. If you purchase a product through my link, I may receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you. I so appreciate every click-through and purchase! Every little bit helps to keep My Side of 50 up and running!

Looking for some new workout clothes? Check these out!

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January 17, 2017 86 comments

How To Make Cajun Cheeseball | The Ulitmate Superbowl Snack. Easy, make ahead cheeseball with a kick. Can be made ahead and frozen.

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How To Make Cajun Cheeseball | The Ultimate Superbowl Snack

Superbowl 2017 will be held in my hometown – Houston, Texas. Even though the Texans lost in the playoffs and WON’T be going to the Superbowl, we always enjoy the game with friends. And what’s a Superbowl Party without a special Superbowl Snack? That’s where my Cajun Cheeseball comes in.

The perfect make-ahead snack for your Superbowl party!” username=”MySideof50″]

The recipe for my Cajun Cheeseball came from a friend many years ago. It’s a little spicy and tastes great with Ritz crackers and a cold Lone Star beer. When I serve it, it is usually DEVOURED in a short amount of time!

The best part is that it can be made ahead and frozen. No standing over the stove or preparing food once your guests arrive! Give it a try!

Cajun Cheeseball | The Ultimate Superbowl Snack

Ingredients for Cajun Cheeseball:

1 8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened

1 8 oz. pkg. finely shredded mild cheddar cheese

3 TBS. finely chopped onion

1/4 tsp. ground red pepper

1/4 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

1/2 cup finely chopped pecans

2 TBS. finely chopped fresh parsley

Blend cream cheese, cheddar cheese, onion, red pepper and Worcestershire sauce in a bowl. Mix well. Shape into a ball or log*.

Mix pecans and parsley. Roll cheeseball in pecan mixture until completely covered.

Refrigerate 1 hour or until chilled. Serve with crackers.

*To make ahead and freeze, wrap in plastic wrap at this point and put in the freezer. Thaw for several hours before serving. After it is thawed, roll in pecan/parsley mixture and serve.

Like this recipe? Pin it!

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January 10, 2017 36 comments

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5 Reasons Why It’s Better To Workout In A Group

Today’s guest post is by my friend Sue Loncaric, the blogger behind Sizzling Towards Sixty. Her blog touches on a number of topics related to wellness in midlife women. Sue is such a positive person! She is an encourager and great example of not letting age stop her from being her best. Check out her #couchpotatotofabfit community on Facebook where she encourages and inspires midlife women on their fitness journey. Sue is a big proponent of working out in community. Her post today is: 5 Reasons Why It’s Better To Workout In A Group.

5 Reasons Why It’s Better To Workout in a Group

Keeping fit and healthy as we age can become a bit of a chore. ‘It’s too hot, it’s too cold, I don’t have time’ – Have you used any of these excuses? I’m sure we have all used one or two to excuse ourselves from exercising regularly – even though we know it is good for us.

Motivation is a huge factor in maintaining a regular exercise program and I’ve found the best way to get started or back on track is to workout in a group.

Each Saturday I run with a group of ladies. We call ourselves the Saturday Sisters and we have been running together for about 5 years. We usually plan a few fun runs during the year and work towards training for those.

Working out in a group will keep you fit, healthy and enjoying life. Here are my 5 Reasons Why It’s Better To Workout In A Group.

[bctt tweet=”Working out in a group will keep you fit, healthy and enjoying life. ” username=”MySideof50″]

Workout In A Group Reason #1 – Motivation

As I mentioned above, this is the single most important factor in starting or re-starting your exercise program. It can be so easy to put off until tomorrow. However, if you are part of a group OR you have an exercise ‘buddy’ you are more inclined to exercise because you have made a commitment to someone else.

Workout In A Group Reason #2 – Friendship

Regularly attending a group session can lead to new friendships. I know that I’ve made some wonderful friends through exercise – especially my Saturday Sisters. I met these lovely ladies through my daughter and we have formed a very special bond. We not only run together but we are there for each other. We have laughed, cried and vented during our 1 hour run each week.

Workout In A Group Reason #3 – Mental Health

Feeling part of a group can be good for your mental health. You have the opportunity to socialize with others and have fun. Exercising is great to relieve stress and certainly lifts your mood. What better way to do this than being part of a group?

Workout In A Group Reason #4 – Support

Don’t feel like going? Not in the mood? Struggling to keep up? Being part of a group or community will provide support to keep you going when the going gets tough. Exercising with others enables you to encourage each other to achieve your fitness goals.

[bctt tweet=”Exercising with others enables you to encourage each other to achieve your fitness goals.” username=”MySideof50″]

Workout In A Group Reason #5 – It Is FUN!

Being part of a team, group or community can be fun. If like me, you enjoy running, you can all train for fun runs together. Why not train for a 5 km walk? If you are in a walking group you can arrange to go to different places for a walk and then a social event.

There are so many groups that you can join and some are for free. If you don’t want to join a group, grab some friends and go for a walk before you have your catch up coffee.

• Walking groups

• Yoga

• Aqua Aerobics

• Cycling

• Running

• Crossfit

• Team sports

• Dancing

The secret to keeping fit is to find something you enjoy doing rather than something you have to do.

From Cathy:

I have the greatest success when I work out with others. I push myself a little harder, I’m much more consistent and it’s so much more fun. Here are 3 groups I have worked out within the last 5 years and my thoughts on each:

Cypress Running Club

This is a HUGE running club in my area that caters to walkers and runners of all levels. I did their beginner program – the Couch to 5K program. Every Saturday, we met with our beginner group and did a walk/run together. We had mentors walk/run with us who spaced themselves out in the group so that everyone had a coach/mentor/encourager with them, so matter how fast they were. As you might imagine, we started out with more walking than running and over the 10 weeks slowly progressed to more running that walking. At the end of the 10 weeks, we all participated in a 5K. Don’t think you can run a 5K? No worries! Many of us do a combination of walk/run. I met some great ladies through this group and NEVER felt like I was too old or too slow. It was all about doing your best and progressing on your fitness journey together. If you are in the States, you can find a running club in your area here.

Crossfit

Have you ever seen the Crossfit Games on TV? Well, that is NOT what your everyday Crossfit Workout is like. Crossfit builds strength and endurance over the long haul by focusing on the movements you need to get through life – lifting, squatting, pushing, pulling. You get a combination of weight training and cardio in every workout. It looks hard. It is challenging. But every workout is scalable meaning that you only do the amount of weight and reps you can do for your age, fitness level and ability. All movements can be modified. The best thing about Crossfit is the wonderful community of all ages working out together, encouraging each other and cheering each other on.

That being said, not all Crossfit Boxes (what they call their gyms) are created equal. If you are considering Crossfit, visit several boxes in your area. Talk AT LENGTH to the owners and coaches. It is important that they have some kind of on-ramp course where you are trained in the correct technique of all the movement before you start with a class. Observe a class. Are the modifying movements for the various levels? Are the coaches working with people individually to make sure they have the correct form? Do the coaches have any other training or experience besides the Crossfit Level 1 Training?

I consider by Box, Crossfit Silverback the Gold Standard of Crossfit Boxes. All of our coaches have several certifications and are continually learning. Safety is of the utmost importance, so you won’t see anyone lifting weights that are too heavy for them or pushing themselves beyond what they are capable of. Before you start with a class, you take 5 sessions of personal training so that you have the foundation you need. And the community is so fun.

I started Crossfit at age 52 with pretty much NO fitness background. You can read about my experience in 5 Lessons Learned As A 50+ Crossfit Competitor.

And a little about why my Crossfit Box is so fun: Fireball Balls | A No-Bake Cookie With Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey.

Find a Crossfit Box in your area here.

Orange Theory Fitness

Orange Theory Fitness is a chain with locations all across the United States. Each one-hour workout has a circuit that alternates between cardio and strength training. Participants wear a heart rate monitor that tracks how hard you are working out. Exercises alternate between a treadmill, rowing machine and the strength floor where you do a combination of exercises with bands, hand weights and your body weight. All the exercises can be modified according to your ability and fitness level. The sessions are led by trained and enthusiastic coaches. It is a highly energizing atmosphere and lots of fun. Find an Orange Theory Fitness location near you.

Looking for some new workout clothes? Here are some of my favorites:

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January 10, 2017 29 comments

10 Tips For "Sharing" Your Adult Children On The Holidays by Guest Blogger Joan Stamen, the author behind Gramcrackercrumbs.com

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10 Tips To Ease The Stress Of “Sharing” Your Adult Children On Holidays

Here we are at the end of October with Thanksgiving just 4 weeks away! No doubt, if you are a midlife woman and have and have adult children, the conversations of who will be where and at what time have begun. If your kids are married or have significant others, you will likely be in the position to have to consider their “in-laws” plans when you make your schedule. And in the case of blended families, we have a whole slew of parents, grandparents, and steps. Why can’t everybody just go home to their family of origin and meet up after the holidays?

Today, Joan Stommen, the mom and grandma behind the blog, GramcrackerCrumbs offers her perspective based on 20 years experience with all of this holiday “sharing”. Joan has 2 kids and 5 grandchildren who call her, what else? Gramcraker!

Adult Children and The Holidays – 10 Tips to Ease the Stress of Sharing

Many of you have probably started shopping for gifts, made travel reservations or are busy unpacking decorations for the coming winter holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hannukah will soon be here. Have you thought about the actual day of celebration? If your adult children are married or living with significant others; whether you have grandchildren near or far….there are bound to be some question marks about where, when and with whom. After years of familiar routine, change rears its head when our kids grow up. For the past twenty years, my holidays were unpredictable and seemingly different every year. As needs arose and life interfered, I found some solutions that worked for us. Hopefully, you’ll find some soothing memory making ideas here.

Remind yourself that it comes under the heading of letting go.

We send them off to college, help with wedding preparations and applaud their home and job choices. Welcoming another family member is how the empty nest begins to fill again. Our son was the first to marry and we loved the bonus of another daughter; but they married and settled in Michigan; several states away from us in Georgia. I think there was only time for a sigh of relief before it hit me…things would be different now.

Respect that the newlyweds may want to host a big holiday themselves.

They married in late September and had an autumn honeymoon. The next thing we knew, they wanted to host Thanksgiving. My husband and daughter and I drove north, caught up in the excitement of the newlyweds hosting their first holiday. Having Thanksgiving dinner prepared by someone else and spending time with the other parents was a treat. But being invited back for Christmas was much harder. I didn’t like it and may have whined to my son, “please come to us, we always cut down a tree, decorate it, go to Christmas Eve Mass, get up at the crack of dawn tooogetherrrrr.” Her parents were not able to go, so my son’s pleading that their first Christmas was a really big deal touched my heart. Imagine my delight discovering he followed our same traditions; leaving milk and cookies for Santa, opening a gift on Christmas Eve, making us wait in the hallway Christmas morning until he turned on the lights and exclaimed, “SANTA WAS HERE!”

When it’s your turn to host a family gathering, invite the son or daughter-in-law’s parents.

After our daughter married and bought a home nearby, my husband and I mostly hosted holiday dinners. Our son-in-law’s parents lived out of state, so when they were in town, we included them as well. I never realized in those early years that the other parents would soon become lifelong friends.

Accept when you’re invited to their homes. Plans and places can change, but you’ll all be together and the kids will be all right.

Sharing a Thanksgiving with my daughter-in-law’s blended family; another with my son-in-law’s extended family….so many that a big hall was rented….were two of the best times we ever had. Your children will beam as they watch the connection of their families grow. Thirteen years ago on a lovely, snowy evening, the young couple invited their moms out for drinks after a potluck Thanksgiving dinner. As the four of us relaxed, his mom and I blurted out at the same time, “when are we getting a grandchild?” We’d held our tongues for three years so we felt entitled. I loved us being on the same page; this favorite friend I now call my “grandmother-in-law.”

Discuss your preferences as soon as possible before the holiday.

Whether it’s religious purposes, enough space to hold everyone, who really wants to cook, travel or medical considerations; early planning will make it easier for everyone. Letters and conversations throughout the year will make the ’planners’ more comfortable in expressing their wishes. Getting to know the other family members not only makes holiday preparations easier but builds a camaraderie that can only strengthen your kids’ bond in all aspects of marriage.

If you find you’ll be on your own some Thanksgiving, Christmas or other event…take off!

Don’t stay home and fume or fret; take a road trip, make reservations for holiday dinner at a nice restaurant, head to the Bahamas. There will be years when all your kids go to their in-laws or have plans with pals. My husband and I traveled to San Antonio, Texas one Christmas Day, ate dinner at a Howard Johnson and toured the Alamo. The rest of the week we took day trips and enjoyed the Riverwalk events at night. It tickled us knowing we could have a blast and never missed Christmas with the kids at all!

When the grandkids finally come along!

Always respect the new mother’s wishes first….especially the first year. Use common sense and again, discuss it well ahead of time. My son and daughter-in-law moved south to be near us when their first daughter was born. I felt great peace and contentment to do the holidays “my way” again; envisioning my daughter and the new little family all under our roof. But the new mom wanted Thanksgiving; hosting us and her parents from out of town. We hadn’t seen them since the wedding four years earlier and we had lots to catch up on about this new baby girl. Since we got to see our first grandchild frequently, we didn’t mind her other grandparents taking over the feeding, holding and rocking for a few days.

Stagger the holidays by years if all parties are acceptable.

As time goes by, let your kids decide what works for them. They not only have in-laws to celebrate with but will want to host themselves some years. Some families only want Thanksgiving or Easter; others like to switch off. Open communication and flexibility is the key. Believe me….the day will come when going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house becomes the best for everyone!

If everyone lives close enough, stagger the times for opening holiday presents.

The whole magical scene will still be there later that afternoon, the next morning or even the next week. Eighteen years ago when our first grandchild came along, I insisted Santa would come down our chimney too…and fill stockings for everyone! Needless to say, he came down every year after and I had four more stockings embroidered with each grandchild’s name. I don’t recommend this; not only can it be costly, but potentially awkward too. It was a bit sticky for my daughter initially. She and her husband wanted their own Christmas morning ritual with their children and liked having Christmas Dinner at the other grandparents’ house. We agreed to wait until the following morning to open the gifts around our tree. Seeing the delight on little faces as they ran in the door made it all worthwhile. One year we spent Christmas morning with our California family; flew home that evening and had Christmas again the next morning with our Georgia family. (You know Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Leprechauns come even if you’re not home, right?)

If you’re a long distant grandparent unable to join the celebration, you can still be present.

Just make sure you follow the parent’s suggestions first, then your grandchild’s request and lastly your own surprises. If you’ll miss a Thanksgiving or Easter Dinner, send things that can be included such as a candle or special prayer, inexpensive decorations, stickers or a new shirt or dress for the occasion. When I lived on the other side of the country from my older grandkids; I’d wrap and send gifts to go under their tree; then after Christmas, I’d send anything Santa had left under mine, including the filled stockings! Needless to say, we spoiled the kids and kept UPS and FedEx in business.

Now that I’m a widow and the grandkids are getting older, it amuses me that my son and daughter now want to ‘share’ mom! The first Christmas on my own, I went to my son’s, the next year to my daughter’s. Now he’s moved nearby and would like me to join in their holiday festivities. But I don’t see my daughter’s family as often, so it’d be worth a plane ticket to their house or….I may decide to spend my holidays doing something completely different. After years of appreciating their parents’ flexibility, I’m confident they’ll both be fine with whatever I decide.

What are your tips for peacefully “sharing” your kids and grandkids during the holidays?

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You might also like:

Building A Good Relationship With Your Adult Children

Adult Children and the Holidays – New Perspectives On Sharing

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October 26, 2016 45 comments

Highlights of the White Pass and Yukon Route Railway Tour which was a shore excursion on our Alaskan Cruise. Includes time at Yukon Suspension Bridge. #alaskancruise #shoreexcursion

Be Brave

White Pass and Yukon Route Railway Tour Alaskan Cruise Excursion

One of the most highly-recommended and eagerly anticipated shore excursions on our Alaskan cruise was the White Pass and Yukon Route Railway Tour. Beginning in Skagaway, there are several different types of tours that you can take along this scenic line that was built in 1898 as transportation for tens of thousands of men and women on the hunt for gold in the Canadian Klondike.

White Pass and Yukon Route Railway Tour

The tour begins with a train ride in old-fashioned parlor cars that take you up 3,000 feet to the summit of White Pass. At Fraser, BC, you transfer into a deluxe motor coach and travel along the historic trail of ’98 to the White Pass summit and into the Yukon.

The Yukon Suspension Bridge

One of the highlights of the tour is a stop at the Yukon Suspension Bridge that rises 57 feet above the Tutshi River Canyon and is 200 feet across. I was only expecting a quick stop and walk across the bridge, but there is so much more at the bridge to see.

There is a restaurant where we were treated to a bowl of bison chili as part of our tour (nothing to write home about). If you don’t like the chili, there are hamburgers and sandwiches you can order, but it is very expensive. I recommend packing a snack.

The walk across the bridge was fun and the views of the Tutshi River and mountains were breathtaking. I am usually afraid of heights, but the walk across this bridge was exhilarating and breathtaking. It was totally secure and fenced in – nothing to be afraid of. I loved looking down at the rapids of the river and the scenic mountains in the distance.

This attraction also includes large, detailed, 3-D exhibits with information on:

The trails, geology, glaciers and traditional life of the area from Skagaway to Whitehorse.
Human History including First Nations and stories of the gold rush.
The natural history of the area and how High Country nature at 3,000 feet above sea level varies from the coastal environment at Skagway.
A walking trail that leads to an authentic trapper’s cabin.

There are beautiful flowers throughout the area, most of which is wheelchair accessible. There ARE parts that ARE NOT wheelchair accessible, but beautiful views can be enjoyed at every part of this great attraction.

After our time at the Yukon Suspension Bridge, we took our deluxe motor coach back down the highway to Skagway. We had a wonderful tour guide, many scenic views and time to stop for more photos.

This tour was one of the highlights of our trip! I highly recommend it!

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Legacy

There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention. Actually, it was a Memorial Service for Tish, my friend Cyndi’s mother that I attended on Saturday. Cyndi is a good friend and was a neighbor for many years. Our daughters were childhood friends. I did not know Tish well, but always enjoyed being around her at family gatherings or school events for the kids. Her death was sudden and unexpected.

[bctt tweet=”There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention.” username=”MySideof50″]

One word I think of when I think of Tish is that she was ENGAGED. Her children did not move far from the community from which they were raised, so Tish took every opportunity to be engaged in the lives of her children and grandchildren. She talked to her daughters on the phone every day.

And Tish was LIVELY. Not the stand out demanding to be the center of attention kind of lively. But a high energy, attentive woman who always had a twinkle in her eye. At the service, it was said that she did not want her funeral to be LONG or BORING. My sentiments exactly! Family – do you hear me?

Tish’s memorial started with some congregational singing of some of the old timeless hymns that she loved. Boy, how that moved me. The hymns of my childhood make me feel comforted, loved and reminded of the Truth.

[bctt tweet=”The old hymns make me feel comfort, loved and reminded of the Truth.” username=”MySideof50″]

The past 30 years or so, our churches have been filled with contemporary worship songs, which I love, but when times get tough, I want a hymn. Since I don’t think my kids will know many hymns, I am asking right now that all of my peers come and sing hymns at my funeral. Now I won’t be there to hear them, but doggone it, I want you to sing hymns anyway since I’m sure those are the only songs that Jesus really likes.

Back to Tish – Those who spoke of Tish, spoke of her faith in Jesus Christ. And that no matter how fabulous we all thought she was – a great mom, a great church member and a great friend, she knew she was a sinner just like all of us and needed a Savior. Her Savior was Jesus and I know that she wanted all of us to know Jesus as our Savior too.

Her husband of 53 years, Chico, got up and spoke at the end. Husband of 53 years – that in and of itself speaks volumes. I don’t know a thing about their marriage, but in 53 years there were likely disagreements, heartache and the maybe the temptation to give up. But they held on to their faith and each other. They were steadfast – a word we don’t hear often in our culture of disposable everything – relationships included.

Chico said that the word “suddenly” took on a whole new meaning for him that week when the love of his life SUDDENLY died. He told us to make peace now with anyone with whom we had a conflict. That we are not guaranteed another breath and whatever it is that comes between us and another is just not worth holding on to. Not worth a lifetime of regret at not getting it settled, resolved and forgiven. We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?

[bctt tweet=”We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?” username=”MySideof50″]

At the end of the service as Tish’s family walked out – heartbroken husband, daughters, sons-in-laws, grown grandchildren and their spouses. When I saw them, all I could think of was LEGACY. Tish left a lasting legacy. She prayed for her children and grandchildren every day. She called them out with an appropriate word or just that look that only a grandmother can get away with. She supported and encouraged them. She led by example. And today, the hardest of days, they were together – remembering Tish. Loving and supporting each other.

I’ve thought about Tish and Chico all weekend and the lessons I was reminded of at that service.

The things that bother me most of the time aren’t worth the time and energy it takes to get upset about them.
The things that are important are important enough to talk about and to resolve.
There are expressions of love and affirmation that need to be said and to not wait to say them.
To always remember that my children and grandchildren are watching me.
To be more intentional in my prayers for them.
To lead by example. Just like Tish did.
To not be careless with my words because they carry weight and will be remembered.

Thank you Tish. You were an inspiration and example to more people than you probably ever knew.

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Juneau, Alaska Shore Excursion

The second port on our Alaskan Cruise was Juneau, Alaska and we opted for a do-it-yourself shore excursion instead of one booked through the cruise line. The weather was clear, warm and sunny, making it the perfect day to take the Mt. Roberts Tramway up 1800 feet to the top of Mt. Roberts.

Juneau, Alaska – A Do-It-Yourself Shore Excursion

Mount Roberts Tramway

Tickets and entrance to the Tramway are a short distance through the shopping district near the port. It’s an easy walk. We boarded the gondola at the base of the mountain and had a smooth, 5-minute ride up 1800 feet to the top of Mt. Roberts. The views of the Gastineau Channel and surrounding areas were stunning.

When you get to the top of Mt. Roberts, there is much to see and do for the whole family. All facilities and hiking trails are ADA accessible.

Stop at the Nature Center (more like a gift shop with all types of books and gifts related to Alaska’s natural habitat) and pick up your hiking guide.
Take a hike! The hiking trails are beautifully maintained with scenic overlooks at many points along the way.

Visit Lady Baltimore, the beautiful bald eagle at the Juneau Raptor Center.
Pick up souvenirs, clothing and one of kind pieces of art at the Raven Eagle Gifts and Gallery.
Enjoy fresh Alaskan seafood and locally brewed beer at the Timberline Atop Mt. Roberts.

Twisted Fish Company Alaskan Grill

It was dinner time when we came down from Mt. Roberts and we were determined to have some King Crab Legs while we were in Alaska. About ½ a block from the Tramway on the waterfront is Twisted Fish Company Alaskan Grill. Our party enjoyed the DELICIOUS King Crab Legs, but there are plenty of options – all kinds of seafood, steaks, burgers, pizza and other casual fare. It was the perfect ending to our do-it-yourself shore excursion in Juneau!

[bctt tweet=”Twisted Fish Alaskan Grill – Best King Crab Legs in #Juneau! @TwstdFishAlaska” username=”MySideof50″]

White Pass and Yukon Route Railway Tour

4 Fun Things To Do In Ketchikan

What I Packed for My Alaskan Cruise

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I have several boards about travel, including one just for Alaskan cruises!

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August 24, 2016 43 comments