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Building A Wardrobe You Love | A Review of Adore Your Wardrobe

Building a Wardrobe You Love. Do you wonder how they do it? Your friends who always look so cute and put together? A year ago, my closet was filled with a wardrobe that I DID NOT LOVE. Not even close. Sometime in my 50’s I forgot how to dress myself. I had nice clothes. That I spent a lot of money on. Yet, I didn’t like how I looked in any of them. I felt fat, unattractive and anything but confident.

What was wrong? When I was younger, I used to dress really cute. Shopping was fun. Everything fit and most styles looked good.

When I reached my 50’s, my adult daughters would shop with me and that was a help. But they were more well-versed in what was “current”. Not so much about what was flattering for my body type. And what the heck WAS my body-type anyway?

Then I heard about Kelly Snyder from Redefined Mom. She faced the same predicament I was in. But one revelation changed that forever… Fashion isn’t art. Fashion is:

science
math
proportion
balance

And now, she is on a mission to demystify fashion for women, transforming the way they think about, buy and put-together outfits…forever!

And last fall, that was exactly what she did for me through her Adore Your Wardrobe eCourse! I loved it so much that I became an affiliate, which means if you purchase the course through my link, I will receive a commission at no extra cost to you. But I would recommend AYW even if they DIDN’T have an affiliate program.

The Adore Your Wardrobe eCourse is a 30-day course that will change the way you think about fashion and your wardrobe. This 6 module + 4 Bonus Lesson course contains videos, written overviews, and worksheets to help give you the skills to become a killer fashionista.

You’ll receive instant access to the entire course to enjoy the lessons when it’s convenient for your schedule.

Every few days, you will receive an email from course creator, Kelly ,with an overview of the day’s lesson, as well as a mini-challenges to help build your confidence and feel successful in your ability to create a great-looking outfit.

Here are the lessons and bonuses that are included:

#1: Getting Personal With Measurements Lesson

#2: Determining Your Unique Body Type & How To Create Balance and Proportion Lesson

#3: Laying The Right Foundation Lesson

#4: Jeans – How To Find a Pair You Love Lesson

#5: Anatomy of a Shirt – Necklines & Length Matter Lesson

#6: Rule of Four

#7: Maximize Your Wardrobe Planner

#8: Tailoring 101

#9: How to Shop Online Like a Pro

#10: Create a Wardrobe You Adore

PLUS: Exclusive access to our private Facebook group to connect with and encourage each other as we walk this path together!

Here’s what the Adore Your Wardrobe Course did for me:

I found out what my body-type REALLY was and learned exactly what cuts and length of tops and pants were most flattering on me. Again – not what I thought AT ALL. The types of clothes I was purchasing for my body-type were adding so much extra bulk to my frame. No wonder I felt fat and frumpy!

Since I know EXACTLY what to look for, shopping is a breeze. I don’t take a gajillion things into a dressing room, try them on and hope for the best. I choose only the things I know will be flattering and have a much greater chance of walking out of the store with pieces I love.

I don’t waste money on clothes that are not going to work.

I’ve learned how to bring attention to my best features with my clothing and accessories.

I have fewer clothes, more outfits and I LOVE everything in my closet.

Through the exclusive Facebook group, I had access to AYW body-type experts who helped me as I put together new outfits and gave me important feedback on my outfits. This group is SO NICE!

Enrollment for Adore Your Wardrobe only comes around twice a year. So get on the waiting list so that you’ll know the next time the course opens!

10 Absolute Best Gifts for New Homeowners

Updated November 15, 2021

Remember when you bought your first home? You scraped up the money for the downpayment. Figured out how much you could swing on the monthly payment. Moved in and thought – you did it! You are homeowners! Only to realize that when you OWN a home, there are a lot of things that you need to maintain it. So with the help of my daughter and son-in-law, who recently bought their first home, I put together this list of the 10 Absolute Best Gifts for New Homeowners.

This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. If you purchase a product through my link, I may receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you. I so appreciate every click-through and purchase! Every little bit helps to keep My Side of 50 up and running!

New Homeowners Need Stuff for the Yard

I remember moving into our first home. A brand-new ranch style home on a cul-de-sac sitting on a huge pie shaped lot. The only thing was, the builder only put grass in the front yard. That first Spring, we laid 9 pallets of sod in that huge backyard and spent the summer watering it and taking care of it so it would grow.

For most new homeowners, one of the first purchases they make are things to take care of their yard.

Water Hose

A Garden Hose Reel Cart

Shovel

Garden Tools

Get these Gifts for New Homeowners | Home Maintenance Supplies

When you own your own home, there is no calling the management company or landlord anytime something breaks. And unless you have an unlimited supply of funds, most homeowners will learn to do a least a few of the simple repairs themselves. That requires tools, which can get quite pricey!

Basic Homeowners Tool Kit

Plunger

Step Ladder

Other Gifts New Homeowners Will Appreciate

Garbage Can

Fire Extinguisher

Guest Towels

What would you put on the list of gifts for new homeowners? Let me know in the comments below!

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November 6, 2017 9 comments

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How to Pray for Victims of Hurricane Harvey

October 1, 2022 – Circulating this post again in the aftermath of Hurricane Ian. The location is different, but the prayers that are needed are the same.

I am a native Houstonian. I have seen every hurricane and storm since Hurricane Carla in 1961 when I was 3 years old. Hurricanes, flooding, tornados – these are nothing new to Texas. But there has never been anything on the scale of Hurricane Harvey. And it’s not just Texas – it’s Louisiana with this one as well.

My entire family escaped what so many are suffering. Our homes were not flooded. We only lost power for a short time. Other than a little cabin fever we are ok.

The outpouring of love we have witnessed both from outside and inside our communities has warmed my heart. Over the past couple of years, we have seen so much hate and vitriol in our country. Could God have used this in some way to change the conversation? I don’t know, but I am so encouraged about the positivity and love and graciousness and kindness in the midst of this tragedy.

I spent 25 years working in nonprofits in Houston, so my original idea was to write a post on which organizations to donate to and how to evaluate a charity before giving. I know a lot about that, but so do a lot of other people. You can read some of those guidelines here.

Instead, I decided to write a post on how to pray for the people who suffered loss as a result of Hurricane Harvey. Because that’s the first thing we should do. And after we’ve donated and volunteered and helped and listened and sympathized and encouraged that’s all we can do. And it’s the BEST thing we can do.

Here is my list of things to pray about today and through the months to come. Because it’s going to take more than a couple of weeks to get through this. Long after they stop talking about it 24 hours a day on the news.

Thank God for his mercy. He was there. He never left us and He is here now, working through people.
Thank God for His love that has been poured out through people across the world. What would we do if we were not loved and cared for?
Pray that God would provide places to live for people who need it.
Pray for government agencies to work efficiently and quickly to meet the many needs these communities have.
Pray that God would protect families who are rebuilding from unethical and incompetent contractors and tradesmen. After a disaster, these types swarm into devastated communities, do shoddy work, incomplete work and take off with the money.
Pray for our first responders who are exhausted. Many left their own flooded homes to help us.
Pray for those who are grieving the loss. Most put on a brave face and say things like “stuff can be replaced”. And that is true. But when it’s YOUR stuff, it’s hard.
Pray for kids. If your parents are stressed out and things are uncertain, it’s hard.
Pray for kids and teachers. Schools will open again and be full of teachers and kids who have suffered loss. How does one concentrate on learning or teaching in the midst of devastation? Schools have been flooded. Everything will be topsy turvy in our educational system for a while. Pray for God’s peace and order.
Pray for local businesses. There has been great loss in our area businesses. It will be hard to get up and running again. The ladies who clean my house weren’t able to get here this week. (That is only a tragedy if you’re me :). Seriously – I think about the people who only get paid when they work, paid by the job, don’t have vacation days and sick leave. If you are one of these people and you are out of work, you are in a world of hurt. I will be paying them for this week. If someone like this works for you and didn’t make it in this week, consider paying them anyway if you are able.
Pray for our government officials who have to make a lot of decisions – that God would guide each and every one and give them wisdom. That they would seek Him and He would show them what to do.
Thank God for all the churches, businesses and nonprofit organizations who have mobilized to help. Pray God’s blessing on them and that He would direct each on how to use their time, expertise and resources in the most efficient manner.
Pray against donor fatigue – and that also goes for volunteer fatigue. At some point, you just get tired of hearing about Hurricane Harvey. Then there will be another disaster somewhere to take our attention. All the while people here still need lots of help.

This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. If you purchase a product through my link, I may receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you.

This was in my reading of Jesus Calling this week. So appropriate. Isn’t the Lord so good that way? Just showing up with exactly what you need to hear.

“Trust me to supply what you need when you need it”

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. – Lamentations 3:22-26

Yes – we serve a Lord of compassion and faithfulness. Always faithful.

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August 31, 2017 12 comments

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What To Wear To A Funeral

Do you ever get stuck on what to wear to a funeral? When my dad died in 2015, I had NOTHING to wear to his funeral. Nothing in my closet that fit anyway. So I spent a day at the mall wondering around aimlessly, trying on NEW clothes that ALSO DIDN’T FIT (as if I didn’t already feel bad enough) and went home empty handed.

This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. If you purchase a product through my link, I may receive a small commission. I so appreciate every click-through and purchase! Every little bit helps to keep My Side of 50 up and running!

Would I just have to wear my Talbots “generously cut” shorts and t-shirt that I had worn all summer as I drove back and forth to the hospital every day? No, that wouldn’t do. In the South, we still “dress” for a funeral. Maybe not quite as formally as we used to, but I wasn’t going to go to my Dad’s funeral looking less than my best.

What To Wear To A Funeral

Thank the Lord for the wonderful ladies at my local Chico’s. I walked into that store after the disastrous trip to the mall, told them “My dad died, his funeral is tomorrow and I don’t have anything to wear.” Those kind ladies helped me figure out my size (because in the world of Chico’s, overweight women in the 50’s can still be a size 2), parked me in a dressing room and started bringing me clothes.

I walked out of there with black pants, a black top with leather details (similar), a really cute and edgy kind of vest (similar) and the jewelry (similar) to go with it. I felt great. And since we were on a roll, they even outfitted me for a shower I had to attend the following weekend. I will be forever grateful to those sales ladies. I would never have been able to figure all that on my own.

So….when Jodie from Jodie’s Touch of Style asked me to partner with her on this style post, I thought, no problem. I’ll just wear what I did to Dad’s funeral. The only problem is, I love the components of that outfit so much that I have worn them to death and am sick of them.

So I went to Macy’s and got a couple of cute new pieces for the post, got them home and hated them.

What to do? My sister-in-law who was visiting and was my photographer was about to go home. I had to figure out something. So I decided to “shop my closet” and here is the outfit I came up with. I’m kinda proud of myself!

I started with a base of black. The Amazing Black Pants from Soft Surroundings and the Simple Comfort Top from Covered Perfectly. I wear both of these all the time. The pants have an elastic waist, but they are tailored in such a way that you’d never know it!

The Covered Perfectly top is so soft. It’s thin enough to layer, thick enough so that everyone doesn’t “see your business” and long enough so that it’s not riding up.

Then I found this Tahari by ASL Textured Crochet Knit Jacket that I bought for formal night on the Alaskan Cruise we took last summer. It’s “lacey” enough that you could wear to a more formal occasion, but casual enough for a daytime event. The pattern is gorgeous and I love the fit of Tahari jackets.

To accessorize, I wore my Kendra Scott Aiden Pendant Necklace. I usually wear a combination of gold and silver, so this necklace is perfect. Funny story – when my husband asked what I wanted for Christmas, I put 3 Kendra Scott necklaces on my list with the idea that he would pick one. He bought all 3! I’m not complaining. I guess he figured if he bought them all, there was no way he could get in trouble.

My Cloisonne Bracelet was a gift from a dear friend that I wear ALL THE TIME. I wear a lot of black and white so that it goes with everything.

And I just have to show you my ring. The diamond in the middle is the diamond from my Mom’s engagement ring. The 4 diamonds on the side are from the 10 diamond ring that Dad gave her on their 10^th anniversary. It’s also two-tone. I wear it every day. Feels like I have my Mom close to me all the time.

Now over to Jodie’s Touch of Style to see the outfits that these 3 ladies are wearing.

I love this blog. Each week, Jodie has a fashion theme and shows outfits for ladies in their 50’s (she’s the 50’s model), 60’s (her stepmom, Nancy is the 60’s model), and 70’s (her mom, Charlotte is the 70’s model). They are just lovely.

Here’s a sneak peek. I love that they feature some options besides black. Click here to get the details on their looks!

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19 Practical Ways To Help When Someone Dies

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March 30, 2017 15 comments

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19 Practical Ways To Help When Someone Dies

How do you help when someone dies? We’ve all faced it or we will at some point. I never lost anyone close to me until I lost both of my parents in 2015. Talk about opening up a “big ol’ can of whoop-ass” on the emotions.

When you know someone who has had a death in the family, you feel such empathy for their loss. You want to do something. Some people are good at jumping in and figuring out something to do.

Others of us want to “do something” but we become paralyzed because we don’t know what to do. I confess that before I lost my parents, that was me a lot of the time. But what I came to realize is that any gesture, no matter how small, ministered to my heart in such a profound way. A kind word, a card, text, phone call or just showing up gave me comfort. So here are 19 Practical Ways To Help When Someone Dies.

19 Practical Ways to Help When Someone Dies

People will be coming. Either out of town guests for the funeral or friends who just stop by. Here are some things that your friends will need:

Paper goods – plates, napkins, cutlery, styrofoam coffee cups, plastic drinking cups, toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, garbage bags.
Canned soft drinks, bottled water, coffee.
Meals – Lots of times neighbors and friends show up pretty soon after a person dies with a cake or casserole and that it good. But if you can coordinate meals through a service like Take Them A Meal, you can communicate with those who want to help the family’s special dietary needs, preferences and drop-off arrangements. Taking care of all of these details is so appreciated.

Transportation:

Drive your friend to the funeral home when she has to make funeral arrangements.
Pick up out of town guests at the airport.
Drive out of town guests or elderly family members to and from the funeral.
Take kids to and from school.

Funeral arrangements – We planned what I consider your basic, standard funeral for my parents. Nice, but nothing that I would consider elaborate. Yet, there was still a lot to do at a time when I didn’t feel like doing anything. Here are some areas where you may be able to help:

Video presentation – At many funerals, there is some kind of video presentation showing pictures of the deceased. This is a lovely way to honor them and share beautiful memories with all who attend. But getting all those pictures together in one spot, scanning those that need to be scanned and sending them to the funeral home takes a long time. Ask if you can help with that.
Help them locate and download the music they want for the presentation.
Take things that will be needed to the funeral home for them. Clothes for the deceased. Any memorabilia that they will display. We had a big portrait of each of my parents. And for my Dad, we had lots of stuff to display from his time in the military and his years of service as a policeman.
Help them get the word out about the funeral arrangements to those who need to know.

The Funeral

If an honorarium will be paid to the minister or musicians, get that from your friend and see that it is given to the appropriate person.
After the funeral, gather the pictures and memorabilia, flag, guest book – anything that was brought to the funeral home that needs to be returned and deliver it to the family.
Gather any flowers or plants the family wants to keep and deliver those to them. You may need to get several friends to help you with that.

After The Funeral

If the deceased has been living in assisted living or nursing home, the family only has a certain amount of time to collect their belongings. Get boxes and offer to go and help pack things up.
If it is a situation where there is a deep financial need, set up a fundraising campaign on a site like Go Fund Me.
Call on a regular basis, especially on those first holidays and anniversaries.
Send a card.
Send a handwritten note with a memory of the person’s loved one. If it’s someone you have a picture of, send that too. When we lose someone, we still want to talk about them and know that others remember them too.

The important thing in helping someone who has suffered the loss of a loved one is to “anticipate, don’t ask”, according to grief counselor, Megan Devine (refugeingrief.com).

Do not say “Call me if you need anything,” because your friend will not call. Not because they do not need, but because identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light years beyond their energy levels, capacity or interest. Instead, make concrete offers: “I will be there at 4 p.m. on Thursday to bring your recycling to the curb,” or “I will stop by each morning on my way to work and give the dog a quick walk.” Be reliable. – How to Help a Grieving Friend – 11 Things to Do When You’re Not Sure What to Do by Megan Devine

I remember the most thoughtful thing my good friends did for me after my dad died. They gave me a gift card for a spa day. You see, my mom had a stroke in January and died in February. My dad broke his hip in July and died in September. Most days during those 9 months were spent in hospitals, rehabs and assisted living with them. I don’t regret a moment I spent with my parents, but when it was all over, I was tired. That gift card to the spa said to me “We see you. We see what you’ve been going through. Here is something to help you take care of you.”

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March 28, 2017 53 comments

10 Tips For "Sharing" Your Adult Children On The Holidays by Guest Blogger Joan Stamen, the author behind Gramcrackercrumbs.com

Be Brave Blog

10 Tips To Ease The Stress Of “Sharing” Your Adult Children On Holidays

Here we are at the end of October with Thanksgiving just 4 weeks away! No doubt, if you are a midlife woman and have and have adult children, the conversations of who will be where and at what time have begun. If your kids are married or have significant others, you will likely be in the position to have to consider their “in-laws” plans when you make your schedule. And in the case of blended families, we have a whole slew of parents, grandparents, and steps. Why can’t everybody just go home to their family of origin and meet up after the holidays?

Today, Joan Stommen, the mom and grandma behind the blog, GramcrackerCrumbs offers her perspective based on 20 years experience with all of this holiday “sharing”. Joan has 2 kids and 5 grandchildren who call her, what else? Gramcraker!

Adult Children and The Holidays – 10 Tips to Ease the Stress of Sharing

Many of you have probably started shopping for gifts, made travel reservations or are busy unpacking decorations for the coming winter holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hannukah will soon be here. Have you thought about the actual day of celebration? If your adult children are married or living with significant others; whether you have grandchildren near or far….there are bound to be some question marks about where, when and with whom. After years of familiar routine, change rears its head when our kids grow up. For the past twenty years, my holidays were unpredictable and seemingly different every year. As needs arose and life interfered, I found some solutions that worked for us. Hopefully, you’ll find some soothing memory making ideas here.

Remind yourself that it comes under the heading of letting go.

We send them off to college, help with wedding preparations and applaud their home and job choices. Welcoming another family member is how the empty nest begins to fill again. Our son was the first to marry and we loved the bonus of another daughter; but they married and settled in Michigan; several states away from us in Georgia. I think there was only time for a sigh of relief before it hit me…things would be different now.

Respect that the newlyweds may want to host a big holiday themselves.

They married in late September and had an autumn honeymoon. The next thing we knew, they wanted to host Thanksgiving. My husband and daughter and I drove north, caught up in the excitement of the newlyweds hosting their first holiday. Having Thanksgiving dinner prepared by someone else and spending time with the other parents was a treat. But being invited back for Christmas was much harder. I didn’t like it and may have whined to my son, “please come to us, we always cut down a tree, decorate it, go to Christmas Eve Mass, get up at the crack of dawn tooogetherrrrr.” Her parents were not able to go, so my son’s pleading that their first Christmas was a really big deal touched my heart. Imagine my delight discovering he followed our same traditions; leaving milk and cookies for Santa, opening a gift on Christmas Eve, making us wait in the hallway Christmas morning until he turned on the lights and exclaimed, “SANTA WAS HERE!”

When it’s your turn to host a family gathering, invite the son or daughter-in-law’s parents.

After our daughter married and bought a home nearby, my husband and I mostly hosted holiday dinners. Our son-in-law’s parents lived out of state, so when they were in town, we included them as well. I never realized in those early years that the other parents would soon become lifelong friends.

Accept when you’re invited to their homes. Plans and places can change, but you’ll all be together and the kids will be all right.

Sharing a Thanksgiving with my daughter-in-law’s blended family; another with my son-in-law’s extended family….so many that a big hall was rented….were two of the best times we ever had. Your children will beam as they watch the connection of their families grow. Thirteen years ago on a lovely, snowy evening, the young couple invited their moms out for drinks after a potluck Thanksgiving dinner. As the four of us relaxed, his mom and I blurted out at the same time, “when are we getting a grandchild?” We’d held our tongues for three years so we felt entitled. I loved us being on the same page; this favorite friend I now call my “grandmother-in-law.”

Discuss your preferences as soon as possible before the holiday.

Whether it’s religious purposes, enough space to hold everyone, who really wants to cook, travel or medical considerations; early planning will make it easier for everyone. Letters and conversations throughout the year will make the ’planners’ more comfortable in expressing their wishes. Getting to know the other family members not only makes holiday preparations easier but builds a camaraderie that can only strengthen your kids’ bond in all aspects of marriage.

If you find you’ll be on your own some Thanksgiving, Christmas or other event…take off!

Don’t stay home and fume or fret; take a road trip, make reservations for holiday dinner at a nice restaurant, head to the Bahamas. There will be years when all your kids go to their in-laws or have plans with pals. My husband and I traveled to San Antonio, Texas one Christmas Day, ate dinner at a Howard Johnson and toured the Alamo. The rest of the week we took day trips and enjoyed the Riverwalk events at night. It tickled us knowing we could have a blast and never missed Christmas with the kids at all!

When the grandkids finally come along!

Always respect the new mother’s wishes first….especially the first year. Use common sense and again, discuss it well ahead of time. My son and daughter-in-law moved south to be near us when their first daughter was born. I felt great peace and contentment to do the holidays “my way” again; envisioning my daughter and the new little family all under our roof. But the new mom wanted Thanksgiving; hosting us and her parents from out of town. We hadn’t seen them since the wedding four years earlier and we had lots to catch up on about this new baby girl. Since we got to see our first grandchild frequently, we didn’t mind her other grandparents taking over the feeding, holding and rocking for a few days.

Stagger the holidays by years if all parties are acceptable.

As time goes by, let your kids decide what works for them. They not only have in-laws to celebrate with but will want to host themselves some years. Some families only want Thanksgiving or Easter; others like to switch off. Open communication and flexibility is the key. Believe me….the day will come when going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house becomes the best for everyone!

If everyone lives close enough, stagger the times for opening holiday presents.

The whole magical scene will still be there later that afternoon, the next morning or even the next week. Eighteen years ago when our first grandchild came along, I insisted Santa would come down our chimney too…and fill stockings for everyone! Needless to say, he came down every year after and I had four more stockings embroidered with each grandchild’s name. I don’t recommend this; not only can it be costly, but potentially awkward too. It was a bit sticky for my daughter initially. She and her husband wanted their own Christmas morning ritual with their children and liked having Christmas Dinner at the other grandparents’ house. We agreed to wait until the following morning to open the gifts around our tree. Seeing the delight on little faces as they ran in the door made it all worthwhile. One year we spent Christmas morning with our California family; flew home that evening and had Christmas again the next morning with our Georgia family. (You know Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Leprechauns come even if you’re not home, right?)

If you’re a long distant grandparent unable to join the celebration, you can still be present.

Just make sure you follow the parent’s suggestions first, then your grandchild’s request and lastly your own surprises. If you’ll miss a Thanksgiving or Easter Dinner, send things that can be included such as a candle or special prayer, inexpensive decorations, stickers or a new shirt or dress for the occasion. When I lived on the other side of the country from my older grandkids; I’d wrap and send gifts to go under their tree; then after Christmas, I’d send anything Santa had left under mine, including the filled stockings! Needless to say, we spoiled the kids and kept UPS and FedEx in business.

Now that I’m a widow and the grandkids are getting older, it amuses me that my son and daughter now want to ‘share’ mom! The first Christmas on my own, I went to my son’s, the next year to my daughter’s. Now he’s moved nearby and would like me to join in their holiday festivities. But I don’t see my daughter’s family as often, so it’d be worth a plane ticket to their house or….I may decide to spend my holidays doing something completely different. After years of appreciating their parents’ flexibility, I’m confident they’ll both be fine with whatever I decide.

What are your tips for peacefully “sharing” your kids and grandkids during the holidays?

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October 26, 2016 45 comments

Author Doreen Mcgettigan shares how her holiday plans and perspective have grown and changed since her adult children began to get married and have children

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Adult Children And The Holidays – New Perspectives on Sharing, Part 1

Adult Children And the Holidays

The holidays are approaching and those of us who fall into the “midlife women” category likely have adult children who are married or have significant others. Some of us even have grandchildren. All that means is there are now other families within our sphere with whom we have to share our kids and grandkids!

I don’t know about you, but the first year I was faced with this, it was tough. And it had nothing to do with the in-laws or the actual logistics where my kids were on a given holiday. I think it was just one of those “letting go of” moments that I wasn’t emotionally prepared for.

Today’s post is from author and blogger Doreen Mcgettigan. Doreen and her husband have 5 grown children and 13 grandchildren. Here is how their holidays and Doreen’s perspective have grown and changed since those first holidays after her daughters married.

Stress-Free Holidays – Sharing Your Adult Children

I admit to being 100% selfish when it came to the holidays after my daughters got married. Of course, they would be home for each and every holiday with me and their siblings. We lived close by and saw each other nearly every day, but the holidays were different. The attendance of my adult children was a must.

We decided Christmas Eve would be spent at our house and Christmas Day they were free to visit with the in-laws. For Thanksgiving, they would have dinner with us and dessert with the in-laws.

Once my two oldest daughters had babies things started to change. My oldest daughter decided she wanted to have the holidays at her house so she could invite us and her in-laws. She’s the great compromiser. The other daughter’s in-laws were invited too.

We all chipped in by providing side dishes and drinks. I was upset at first but quickly realized how stress-free it was to get dressed, go to her house, enjoy the meal, the babies and then go home to my nice clean kitchen.

It worked out so well that she became the hostess for every single holiday for years.

Then my son got married and it all changed. My daughter-in-law wanted to be with her mother and her siblings for every holiday. Her family had their big celebration on Christmas Eve too. I was in trouble. Not only were holidays different, it was different with their babies too. My daughters called me several times a day while they were expecting. My daughter-in-law called her mother. I was so hurt at first but realized it’s different with daughters. I had to accept her closeness with her mother and realized how my daughter’s mothers-in-laws must have felt over the years. I felt so guilty. I conceded that we would take turns and simply make sure no one in our family was alone for any holiday.

Just to complicate our family more, I remarried and became step-mother to a young man. He often wanted to spend holidays with his mother and his step-sister. I told my husband we would just have him over as often as he could visit and it didn’t make any difference if it was a holiday or not.

What I won’t give up is the one- week family beach vacation we take every year. All the kids, their spouses and the grandchildren are invited. I encourage them all to at least come for a few days if they can’t spend the entire week. The cousins love the opportunity to play together all week. I live for and plan that week all year.

My stepson is still single. I’m sure he will eventually marry and have children and that will be another learning experience for me. We will be sharing him with his mother and his in-laws. I am so grateful his mother and I get along. That makes a big difference. I am again resigned to be happy with whatever time we do spend together and consciously choose to make that time as comfortable as possible so they want to spend time with us.

For me, it’s become all about the memories. With 13 grandchildren it is so important to make the time during the year to make each one of them feel special like they are our favorite. We enjoy coming up with just the right activity for each child. There are opportunities to create those beautiful memories anytime. We simply have to want to and then we must do the work needed to make it possible. We also have to make the time.

This year I want to work on spending more one on one time with my grown children. It’s been all about the grandchildren for so long now, I’m missing the closeness with my kids.

I am not willing to cause strife over attendance at a holiday meal. I am more interested in being part of a family that can get together anytime and make it a memorable holiday.

How do you work out the “sharing” of your kids and grandkids over the holidays? Share in the comments below.

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October 19, 2016 53 comments

Alaskan Cruise Packing List based on what I took and what I actually wore | #cruise #alaskancruise #alaskancruisepackinglist | What to Pack for an Alaskan Cruise

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Packing For An Alaskan Cruise

Mid-summer is the high season for Alaskan cruises. I just returned from the Celebrity Solstice 7-day Tracy Arm Fjord Cruise and must say, it was the trip of a lifetime. I highly recommend it. But trying to PACK for it was a bear! Here’s what I learned about packing for an Alaskan Cruise.

Packing For An Alaskan Cruise

Updated November 1, 2021

“Dress in Layers” They Said

When I asked people who had been what to take, everyone said “dress in layers”. What did that mean? Did it mean long underwear, ski pants, heavy sweater, thermal socks, fur lined boots, parka, hat, gloves and a scarf? Those are the layers I dressed in on a trip to Germany in December.

Or did it mean, capris, t-shirt and a vest?

Not knowing, I packed EVERYTHING and ended up paying a $100 heavy bag charge. And I only ended up wearing about 1/3 of what I took.

Here’s what you should know about what to wear on Alaskan Cruises:

When you are inside on the ship, you can dress like you do at home because you are in a climate-controlled environment.
When you are outside on the ship, it will be colder. It’s windy and you will be sailing past glaciers. To just take a walk outside, jeans, sweater and a jacket (I had a leather jacket) will be fine. If you are spending a lot of time outside, bundle up a little more. Maybe a hat, gloves and a scarf.
Evenings. If you are eating in the dining room with the scheduled seating, there is a suggested dress code each night. My regular evening wear consisted of black pants and a nice top – much like I would wear at home to eat out at a nice restaurant. My husband wore slacks and a button down.
Most cruises have done away with the “formal night”. Celebrity designates two nights as “evening chic” where a cocktail dress or dressy pants and fancy top are acceptable. I wore nice black pants and a lace top. My husband wore slacks, a button down and sport coat.
Shore excursions. On all our shore excursions, the temperatures were mild, ranging from about 55 – 70 degrees. It was windy, so it did feel a little cooler at times. I was fine in jeans and a long sleeved tee with my windbreaker. The windbreaker added a little extra warmth, shielded me against the wind, could have served as raingear if needed and was easily folded up and put in my purse when I took it off. This is my favorite windbreaker because it folds up into its own little pocket. So easy to carry in your bag until you need it without a lot of bulk.

Here is what I packed for our cruise, including a pre-cruise overnight stay in Seattle.

What I packed	What I wore	Notes
4 light sweaters	3
3 heavy sweaters	1
4 long sleeved tees	4
1 heavy hoodie	0
3 pairs cropped pants	2
1 light weight vest	1
4 pairs jeans	4
2 pairs black slacks	1
3 dressy tops for dinner	3
1 flat sandals	1
1 strappy heels	1
1 pair wedges	1
2 pairs tennis shoes	1	I took 2 in case of rain and one pair got wet. I would do this again.
1 pair black flats	1	Really didn’t need – could have worn tennis shoes.
2 sets workout clothes	1	Only worked out once.
1 warm scarf	0
1 warm hat	0
1 set long underwear	0
15 pairs of socks	7	Was afraid of my feet getting wet. 🙂
1 leather jacket	1
1 Windbreaker	1	Used for every shore excursion.

Other Items to take on an Alaskan Cruise

Laptop – YES.
Chargers – phone, Ipad, Fitbit, laptop & camera – YES.
Power Strip – YES . There will only be a couple of plugs in your stateroom. My husband had 2 phones in addition to all my electronics. The couple we travelled with both used a C-Pap Machine, so definitely needed a plug on each side of their bed. The Power Strip is a must.
Downy Wrinkle Release – Depending on what clothes you take, this may come in handy. We didn’t need it.
Garbage Bags – YES. We used for dirty clothes.
Evening Purse – YES. I used mine on “evening chic” night.
Backpack – YES. Great for shore excursions when you are carrying a camera, bottled water, snacks and will be bringing back souvenirs. This is a lightweight one with two bottled water holders on the outside. Very convenient, especially if you are hiking or doing other outdoor activities.
Insect Repellant – Was recommended, but we didn’t need it.
Headphones or earbuds – Yes. One of the reasons my husband and I have managed to stay married for 33 years is that we have our own TV’s at home. We had to actually SHARE one for 7 days and since there is not one show in the entire universe that we both like, he could watch what he wanted on the room TV and I watched Netflix on my iPAD with the headphones.

Other things to remember:

We were blessed to have absolutely perfect weather and no rain. Not having any rain during a cruise to Alaska is unusual. It was recommended that we take two pairs of walking shoes in case it rained and 1 pair got wet.
If you are taking shore excursions where you will be riding outside on a boat or hiking on a glacier, you will need to take some very warm clothes.
You will not sweat, so unless you spill something on your clothes or just can’t bring yourself to wear an outfit twice, you CAN wear your clothes twice.
You are only wearing your evening clothes for a couple of hours every night, so you can wear them again. Believe me – no one will notice.
I wore the same “evening chic” outfit both nights.

If you’ve been on an Alaskan cruise, is there anything I missed?

If you’ll be taking an Alaskan cruise, are you wondering about something you are planning to take?

Leave your responses in the comments! I respond to all comments.

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