I’ve spent the last two weekends with some midlife girlfriends. The first group I had known for 40 years. They were my college sorority sisters and we were together for our bi-annual reunion.
The second group, I didn’t know at all, other than through social media and their blogs. They were the women who attended the Bloggers at Mid-Life Conference in Las Vegas.
The Gift of Midlife Girlfriends
These events reminded me of why I enjoy my girlfriends, both old and new on this side of 50.
- I’m inspired by their stories. You don’t reach this side of 50 without experiencing some pain, hard knocks & rough times, be it the death of a loved one, divorce, financial problems or getting fired.
- There is a certain transparency that comes at this stage of life. We are past the point of caring so much what others think and don’t mind sharing the joy and pain of our experiences.”
- We have empathy.
- We aren’t so competitive, so it’s a thrill to be able to encourage and root for each other to succeed.
- We’re resilient. Many of us had survived the “worst thing that can happen” (at least the worst thing as we would have defined it in our 20’s) and come out the other side stronger and more determined. It has made us who we are.
- We are less judgmental. Gone is the black and white thinking of our youth. We don’t say “I would never…” very much anymore.
- But the things we DO know, we KNOW – to the core of our being.
- We are diverse – single, married, divorced, widowed, mothers, grandmothers. We differ in our political & religious views, how we dress, whether or not we color our hair. The desire to “fit in” with the crowd often is dwarfed by the desire to just be ourselves.
Being with my women friends is one of the things that makes this side of 50 the best time of life!
What do you value in your relationships with YOUR girlfriends?
“We make a choice in how we approach aging.” – Walker Thornton
“Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” – Betty Friedan
Members of my Tri Delta Pledge Class in 1979. I’m on the top row on the right.
Tri Delta Reunion 2016. Photo by Laurie Heath Images. I’m sitting on the bottom row wearing red pants.
I have recently reconnected with a group of my high school friends.. and it has been the best thing possible for me since I lost my sister. These girls are truly like family and always have my back. Nothing like women friends, but it seems to be even more important at this stage of my life.
Renee -that is so wonderful. There is nothing like connecting with those who knew you way back when! Thanks for reading and commenting!
The friends as we grow into a different life style are precious. They may be busy with other things but come a crisis–or a minor trauma–they are there for you. really there.
I had a rough 2015 and experienced that same thing. My friends from college surrounded me with love & grace! Thanks for reading and commenting!
You’re so right about the fact that women over 50 don’t have the need to be so competitive. Since we often survive spouses or relationships we need to stick together.
You are so right. And I find that these same friendships are so much richer and deeper at this stage of life. Enjoyed meeting you at BAMC16 Rebecca! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Friendships after 50 are such a gift, I agree we are so much more transparent that makes for a much more rewarding friendship.
Rosie – you are so right. The transparency and honesty in our friendships is such a gift!
Cathy, your blog this week is excellent and touched my heart. My friendships mean so much to me. I especially value the friendships that were formed so many years and have grown stronger over the years.
Me too – and the Tri Deltas would never have reconnected if not for you! Thanks for reading my blog, Carol!
The friendships I have now are just more real than those I had when I worked. We are friends not because of what we do what who we are. I like that. Thank you for the food for thought.
I hear that! Glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for reading and commenting, Barbara!
Great quotes and great sentiments. I loved the conference and how great women our age are.
Me too – Such fun to meet people that I only knew online!
I love this post and so agree. Meeting some of my now-closest friends in midlife has been a huge surprise and an amazing gift for which I am so grateful.
Lois – glad it resonated with you. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Cathy, I just returned from a lovely weekend with some ‘over 50’ college gal pals of my own and completely agree with you. We’ve endured some knocks and have been strengthened by it.Now that my kiddos are older, it has made these reconnections so much easier and look forward to our next get together.
Isn’t getting together with those who were part of those formative college years so great? And I came away from my weekend thinking we all turned out to be pretty good people! When we are busy raising our families, it’s hard to maintain those connections. One of the gifts of being this side of 50 is having the time to reconnect. Thanks for reading and commenting, Lynn.
I love my midlife girlfriends – I’ve culled a few over the last couple of years, and the ones I have now hold a special place in my heart
Leanne, life’s too short to spend a lot of time around people who don’t bring out the best in us! Good for you “culling” and valuing those who uplift you!. Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is such a great assessment of friendship at this stage of life. And so true about our personal goals being much broader, and more inclusive of those we care about. I have found that the friends I made in college and high school, and lost touch with during our “family raising years”, are all reconnecting and it has been wonderful! We have so much more life experience to add to the core of where we started as friends that it makes them even more special to me now. And I agree, I stopped saying “I would never…” quite awhile… Read more »
Tricia – that “I would never..” has a way of coming back and biting you in the butt, doesn’t it. I have joined the reconnection with old friends too. Facebook has been wonderful for that! Thanks for reading and commenting!
You captured the wonderful experience perfectly, Cathy! The connections to our friends are so sweet!
Nancy – I appreciate these relationships more every day. Thanks for reading my blog and commenting! The reunion was so wonderful! Can’t wait for 2018!
I have noticed the older I have become the less drama I have in my life, it’s so relaxing. Friendships should be about supporting each other and now I have that.
Rena – you are so right! Thanks for reading and commenting!
You are a lucky, lucky girl to be involved with so many great women and it must have been so much fun in Vegas! What an uplifting post.
Cathy – the BAM Conference was so fun and it was great to meet people that I only knew “virtually” in person! Yes, I am blessed with some wonderful friends!
You captured my feelings perfectly, Cathy. Thanks for sharing. And it is great to keep up an online friendship with those whom you don’t see often.
Awe.. thanks, Susan! I enjoy keeping up with you and other college friends on Facebook. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I don’t have many friends but the ones I do have are special and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Looks like you had a great time!
You don’t need a LOT of friends – just some good ones! And they are gems! Thanks for reading and commenting, Sue!
This is so awesome. You have such a large supportive, fun group of friends. What a great thing. I think you’re right, once we get old enough we realize what’s really important in life and a great friendship is one of the best things ever. Isn’t it?
Yes, these women friends are truly a blessing!
Cathy, you pinpointed so many things here. I certainly value my female friendships more at this stage in life than ever before. I think that it is partially because I do not have my best girlfriend ever and the primary person I shared with and turned to…my Mom. Partially, it is because we have, as you point out, lived through some of the worse things that life will throw at us by this stage and search for people with whom to share the experience itself, as well as the lessons when we are the first of our friends to go… Read more »
All so true, Regina! I love the connections I have with my women friends at this age. They are sweet!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Meeting up this June with a half-dozen college girlfriends. We try to meet once a year to check in and encourage each other. Let’s hear it for midlife girlfriends!
What a great time! How I value those long time friendships!
Great post and I hope to be meeting up with the ladies on the boulevard at the next BAM.
I sure hope you can. It was a great conference!
Sounds like a fun time. I wish I stayed more in touch with my friends from college. I’ve reconnected with a few during my life after 50.
Judy – it was. And Facebook has made it easier to re-connect!
I have a group of sorority girlfriends that have been getting together since we were in our early 20s. I am also lucky enough to have a group of women I surf with and also a group of women who met when our kids were in preschool. I hit the jackpot when it comes to midlife girlfriends. And I am thankful for them everyday! They keep me laughing . . . and sane! Great post!
You are blessed. I agree – the group that you raise your kids with seems to be ones that stick. We need our girlfriends!
[…] The Gift of Midlife Girlfriends […]
This was a very nice read! I too am enjoying my girlie friends from 40 years ago! When we get together it’s like time stood still.
I’m the same way with my friends! Isn’t it wonderful!
Beautiful, Cathy. I don’t know where I’d be without my female friends. Your words are so correct. There is a definite spirit about midlife…one I wouldn’t exchange.
Deep friendships – a true blessing of midlife!
[…] New Friends at the Bloggers at Midlife Conference […]
[…] I signed up to attend the Bloggers at Midlife Conference in Las Vegas before I even wrote a blog post! I would go by myself without knowing a soul. Ok…that was a little impulsive, but I went and it was the most marvelous experience. Just being in a room with women in midlife who were daring to dream of trying something new at this stage was inspiring. So glad I went. Read about BAM here. http://mysideof50.com/the-gift-of-midlife-girlfriends/ […]
I am actually looking forward to that part of life, for those reasons. I only have a few years to go! I also reconnected with old high school friends and it has invigorated me.
Yes – getting together with old friends seems to be good for the soul!
Oh, I just LOVED reading this. Every word about midlife that you have shared is true.
So glad you enjoyed the post, Alexa! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Yes, I am finding, also, that “midlife” or the aging process (or the grace of God) has really leveled the relational playing field for me with women of all ages. I’m not as reticent as I used to be about chatting with women of any age – and therefore make new friends more easily!
Don’t you love this new found freedom we find in midlife? Thanks so much for reading and sharing with me!
This is such a blessing. And so many wonderful friends to be thankful for. Glad you shared it today at my party. I bet you are a wonderful friend!
As are you! Our friends from all seasons are such a blessing.
I need to get some girlfriends. Right now we are just friends with a couple or tow. I miss friends now I am retired. Thanks for sharing at #OverTheMoon! I look forward to what you will share next week.
Marilyn, I have found that it’s harder to make friends as I get older. When your kids are grown, you don’t have that natural connection with their friend’s parents. And people start to retire and move away. I am lucky and blessed to have some close girlfriends. Hanging on to the ones I have!
[…] – The Gift of Midlife Girlfriends – It’s my favorite because it summed up one of the best parts of this time of life and it […]
I could cry just reading this. I’ve had a killer of a weekend this past Labor Day and I’m not being hyperbolic at all when I say I would not have survived without my girlfriends.
So true! I’m finding my friendships with women are sweeter than ever. You nailed it!
Wonderful post! Thank you. I am having lunch with an old college pal today. When we get together, it’s like we’re back in Shakespeare 101 at age 20, instead of in our mid-50s. Hooray for old friendships!
Aw my oldest daughter is a Tri-Delta! From Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo chapter. Best 4 years of her life she has said! LOL
Kimberly – it was a wonderful 4 years for me too! I made some lifelong friends through my Tri Delta membership. Glad it was a good experience for your daughter too!
I always love the saying that friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life!! And it’s SO true!!! It’s always so fabulous to reconnect!!! XOXO Jodie http://www.jtouchofstyle.com PS…I don’t know if you realize this, but I don’t get a email telling me that you’ve replied to my comment. I notice you reply to your readers, and this happened to me years ago with a comment widget I was using. It surprised me when I finally figured it out, so I thought I’d let you know. Maybe you were aware? If so….ignore me!!! LOL!!
Jodie – thanks for always commenting. I adjusted the settings so hopefully you’ll get an e-mail saying that I replied to your comment!