• Fashion & Beauty
  • Travel
  • Food
  • Family
  • Health
  • Entertainment
  • Midlife Women
  • Blogging
  • About
  • Contact
  • Disclosures and Privacy

  • Fashion & Beauty
  • Travel
  • Food
  • Family
  • Health
  • Entertainment
  • Midlife Women
  • Blogging
Tag

adult children

Basic Invite Safari Themed Baby Shower Invitations | Picture of Baby Shower invitation with elephant, lion & giraffe
Family

Safari Themed Baby Shower Invitations

Are you in a season of baby showers? If you have married children, you may be in the thick of it like I am. I have had 6 new grandbabies born within my circle of friends in the last year, so that means hosting lots of showers and celebrations. So much fun! I was so excited when Basic Invite invited me to partner with them to promote their Safari Themed Baby Shower Invitations because that was the theme for the shower that we had for my FIRST grandchild who was born almost 10 years ago!

This post was sponsored by Basic Invite. All opinions are my own.

Look how cute these are:

Basic Invite Safari Themed Baby Shower Invitations | Picture of Baby Shower invitation with elephant, lion & giraffe

 

When ultrasounds that told you the sex of the baby before they were born became popular back when I was having babies, gender-themed showers became popular and have been for many years.

But I have also noticed a recent trend where couples are actually waiting to be surprised, so for these couples, a gender-neutral shower is in order. Basic Invite has lots of great choices for gender neutral baby shower invitations like this:

Picture of Gender Neutral Baby Shower Invitations with apple & garland design

O with f2 preset

One reason that I like Basic Invite is that all of their choices can be totally customized. Basic Invite is one of the few websites that allows customers almost unlimited color options with instant previews online. Once you select a design you can change the color of each element on the invitation to over 180 different color options so you can make sure it is exactly how you want it down to the smallest detail. This is what sets them apart from almost any other online stationery company.

Have you ever ordered invitations online and when they arrived, the paper, colors or quality wasn’t exactly what you hoped for? With Basic Invite you have the ability to order a printed sample of their actual invitation so that you can see exactly how it will print as well as the paper quality before you ever have to place your final order. Before writing this post, I created a few invitations on their site and ordered samples. I was so pleased with the quality all the way around.

Basic Invite offers over 40 different colors of envelopes to make your invitation stands out even before it’s opened. And all of their envelopes are peel and seal so the envelopes can be quickly and securely closed.

And how’s this for a time saver?  Basic Invite offers an address capturing service that allows you to simply share a link on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other form of social media to request your friends and family’s addresses which will be stored in your account and can then be selected during the design process. And on Christmas Card orders, Basic Invite offers recipient address printing at no cost!

And since you know I love a good deal let me tell you about this special. Basic Invite is offering 15% off with coupon code: 15FF51.

Basic Invite is also featuring Christmas in July this month so you can use this discount to get a head start on getting your Holiday Cards printed. Do you have that perfect vacation picture that you said you wanted to put on this year’s Holiday Cards? Well, get after it!

Here is one of Basic Invite’s cute holiday designs. There are so many.

Basic Invite Safari Themed Baby Shower Invitations and Holiday Cards | Picture of family on Holiday Card

And in case you missed it: Basic Invite offers recipient address printing at no cost on all Christmas card orders. How’s that for getting one thing checked off your holiday to-do list?

Check out Basic Invite’s complete line of totally customizable invitations for any occasion.

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Safari Themed Baby Shower Invitations was last modified: July 26th, 2018 by Cathy Lawdanski
July 26, 2018 2 comments
0 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Picture of family on bridge over water and Top 10 Ways to Have a Great Relationship With Your Adult Children
Family

Top 10 Ways to Have a Great Relationship With Your Adult Children

Today I am so excited to welcome Shelly Janac as a guest contributor to My Side of 50! You will recognize Shelly from most of the fashion round-ups I do.  I love her fashion sense and she has given this “matchy-matchy” girl the courage to try some pattern mixing in her style – something Shelly does so well. But on her blog, The Queen in Between, she blogs about so much more than fashion. She shares who she is, about her family, favorite things she likes and all the ups and downs of being a working mom to 2 adult children and 2 who are still at home. I so admire her wisdom and transparency. Read what Shelly has to say about the Top 10 Ways to Have a Great Relationship With Your Adult Children.

One thing drawing Cathy and I together is we both know all stages of motherhood come with their own set of opportunities and blessings. Just when you think the diapers and sleepless nights will never end you are on to play dates and homework and navigating all that comes with the rebellious teen years and next thing you know you wake up as the parent to adults. To be honest, I truly believed if I saw my kids through college without anyone arrested or pregnant I could give myself a big A+ on motherhood and check parenting off my list!

Wow, what a fool I was! Never in my wildest dreams would I have believed parenting adults would be some of the most heart-wrenching days of mom life. If you have some sweet children heading off into the unknown waters of adult life, here are a few tips for continuing to build relationships instead of building up walls.

  1. Set a standing date! Whether they are busier than you ever imagined or floundering in adulthood, setting up a set date on the calendar will ensure you have time to catch up. My older daughter lives in the same town but we have a standing dinner date to catch up once a month where she has my undivided attention. My son plays minor league ball and we stay connected using Facetime when he is away. This is not only for you to listen but also for you to share what is happening in your life.
  2. Be a true friend. Yes, you are still a parent first but as they move into adulthood if you really want to have a close relationship you need to treat them with the same respect you would a close friend. What does this mean? It means being honest and building trust. If your adult child shares personal feelings with you it is between the two of you only. Sometimes you may have to work on your poker face as the information may be, well, adult-like. It also means offering your opinion only when you are asked! Yikes, keeping my mouth shut is the very hardest.
  3. Accept their dreams may not be your dreams. As a mom, we want to see them utilize their gifts to achieve the highest results. What I’ve learned is sometimes the dream I have for them may not help them grow in the same ways the dreams they have will. The biggest relationship builder is supporting their dreams and offering your guidance when asked.
  4. Do not make assumptions! In this world where we are so connected with social media, it is easy to see a post on Snapchat and start dreaming up assumptions as to what may or may not be going on in their life. If they are constantly at the bar or always alone you can really start to create some not so pretty scenarios and, if I’m being honest, some big judgments. Scheduling one on one time together will give you the assurance you need as to their current state of mind.
  5. Get on their level. Since we are talking about social media, it is their generations way of communicating. Even if you are not into Snaphat, Instagram or one of million other platforms, taking the initiative to communicate in the way they are comfortable can really help you feel some connection. My oldest son loves food and shares the meals he cooks almost every single night and my daughter loves sharing videos of her with her puppy all on Snapchat. I look forward to receiving these little bits of their life!
  6. Support without coddling. What do I mean? Well, they are going to run into so many challenges from broken hearts to struggles in the workplace, to hard life lessons. Let them face the consequences of their own life. Drawing the line between supporting and guiding them as they work out a plan versus trying to take over and fix it all is so skinny. If it is a financial situation it can become even stickier. Just because you can bail them out doesn’t always mean you should.
  7. Trust them to make good decisions. You have spent years instilling your values and beliefs In them. Now, you need to sit back and trust they know how to make good decisions. I worried far too much about my children repeating my mistakes. My mom is always quick to remind me they are not me. They have their own brains and they know right from wrong and if they find themselves choosing the wrong path see number 6!
  8. Have your own life! Believe me, there is nothing lonelier than sitting around waiting for one of your adult children to want to hang out with you. I am still fun and interesting and FUN! There are still so many things I love doing that define me and it is also just an amazing time to remember all the things you enjoy. Giving your child a guilt trip for declining your invitation to hang out will do more to drive them away instead of drawing them closer.
  9. Put yourself in their shoes. If you take a step back to your young adulthood you will probably remember as much as you may have loved your family they were not your top choice for social time. Depending on where they are on their journey they may need to spend time nurturing their own new family or they may be enjoying the social perks of being single. Try to see their current journey through their eyes instead of your own.
  10. Pray for them! And for God to continue to give you the wisdom and words to support them. When they do ask for your advice and guidance you have to be willing to accept if they do not take it. Whether it’s a boyfriend you feel is not a healthy match or a career change that is risky, at the end of the day it is still their life. Accept they have the right to live it and then you pray. You may pray the truth is revealed to them or pray the right people are put in their path but think deeply about your prayer and be sure you are offering it for their best interest and not your own.

As a bonus, I would say love them unconditionally and remind them of this every chance you get! At the end of the day, you will always be their momma.

Have a Blessed Day,
Shelly

You may also like:

You Don’t Like Your Child’s Partner and Other Reasons Their Choice Hurts

10 Tips to Ease the Stress of Sharing Your Adult Children on Holidays

Picture of Adult and Children's hands with Top 10 Ways to Have a Great Relationship With Your Adult Children

SaveSave

Top 10 Ways to Have a Great Relationship With Your Adult Children was last modified: September 17th, 2018 by Shelly Janac
January 30, 2018 16 comments
1 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
When You Don't Like Your Child's Partner and Other Reasons Their Choice Hurts
Family

When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Partner and Other Reasons Their Choice Hurts

What do you think of your child’s partner or spouse? Do you have a great relationship and love him like your own? Do you think being with her is the worst decision he ever made? Or is he ok, just not what you dreamed of for a son-in-law? Like it or not, when our kids grow up, THEY get to choose their partners – WE DON’T. So what do you do when you don’t like your child’s partner?

For the answer to that question – or at least some great insight, I’ve turned to one of my favorite authors, bloggers, podcasters and therapists, Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I listen to every episode of her podcast,      Self Work with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Her advice and insight are common sense, compassionate and always delivered with good humor. I highly recommend it!

When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Partner and Other Reasons Their Choice Hurts

by Dr. Margaret Rutherford

Your daughter, Alicia called you, out of the blue, six years ago.

“Mom, when I’m home next weekend, I have someone I want you and Dad to meet.”

Your heart turned over. You were so excited for her — she’d never brought anyone home before. You couldn’t wait until the weekend. Would he like you? Would you all get along?

That weekend came and went. Everyone met and was nice.

But you didn’t get that feeling you wanted. You didn’t have an immediate sense of, “I like this guy.” He treated Alicia well, but he was stand-offish with you. Or he drank too much. Or he picked his teeth with a toothpick after dinner.  Or… or… or…

There was something that made you uncomfortable.

Now it’s six years later. And they’re married. Alicia’s pregnant. And you realize you’ll spend birthdays, holidays and all kinds of time with him. You’ll share your daughter with him — maybe for the rest of your life.

You rationally realize he may have similar feelings about you. He may be disappointed in what’s happening, or not happening, as well. And Alicia? She’s aware. Things aren’t perfect. But she loves you both. So she’s stuck in the middle, trying to make the best of it.

So what do you do….?

1) …when your adult child chooses someone uncomfortable with closeness.

Maybe you’d always wanted a close relationship with your child’s partner. You imagined what your relationship with your son’s mate would be. She’d call you for ideas for his birthday or ask your advice on how to make the lasagna he likes so much. And that’s not happening. It’s okay to grieve that that fantasy won’t be happening, at least anytime soon.

She may have issues with trust or might have grown up in a family where closeness wasn’t the norm. She has to live this out longer, and begin to understand that there can be a benefit to close (but not too close) family ties. Experience with you can make a huge difference. You can give her the space she needs to begin to feel more comfortable. And hopefully, she’ll reach back.

Or perhaps she’s very close to her own parents and turns to them for many things. Trying to handle your own fears in this situation is difficult — almost as if being an in-law is a competition that you could lose.

The more you focus on your own relationship with her, and try not to compare, the better off you’ll be.

2) …when your new son or daughter-in-law has significant problems with responsibility or maturity.

You’d envisioned that once your adult child was married, a lot of the worry would be off of you as a parent. She’d have a partner — someone she could count on in diverse ways — financially, emotionally, as a co-parent or as a partner. But she chose someone who’s very emotionally immature, who’s never had a good job, or is struggling with an addiction. You don’t like that your child seems to be bearing a huge load in the relationship, and it’s difficult to contain your disappointment.

This is a tough one. Your adult child chose this person for a reason. You may not understand it. You may think the classic, “She’s not good enough for my son.” But your son chose her. You can work on accepting that and recognize your son’s responsibility for an apparently difficult choice. You can get out of the way, and allow the two of them to work it out.

3) Realize you may be grieving the loss of your own role with your now adult child.

It’s hard to move over, especially if you and your child have been close. Some of what you resent, or “don’t like” may be a sign of jealousy or resentment — and belongs more with you than with your child’s partner.

The work becomes finding things or experiences in your own life that you enjoy, whether that’s with your own partner or alone. It’s important to grieve that empty nest, move into the present, and not focus on the past or “what was.”

You can take responsibility for your own sadness, and look for new ways to connect with your adult child as well as her partner. You’ll enjoy the time when your child’s alone with you, but realize the reality of his life, how important his partner is to him, and focus on what’s possible and appropriate now.

4) … when you believe that your child is unhappy in his marriage.

You feel the strain between your son and his wife. You hear them bickering late at night when they come to visit. You want them to try to heal whatever hurts or resentments there are, and you don’t know how to help. You’re afraid the conflict between the two of them will affect your relationship with your grandchildren, if it goes too far.

There is very little you can do, except be supportive. What you can consider is this — if your son (or daughter) is talking to you about how unhappy they are, you can try very hard not to jump on the bandwagon and criticize their partner. Because he or she could change their feelings, and all of a sudden, you can become the bad guy.

It’s far better to listen, recommend they talk about their issues together, and support them in seeking counseling or help of some kind.

5) … when you suspect abuse.

This problem is far greater than arguing or occasional conflict. He’s isolating her from family. She talks about what he will or won’t “let me do.” She seems to not have as much confidence in herself. She has bruises and says they’re from a fall. She’s growing more nervous when everyone is together.

It’s often family members who love their daughter, niece or granddaughter who have to act when abuse becomes evident. The emotional damage done when someone abuses you is complicated — your self-esteem suffers greatly and you often feel to blame. That guilt can keep you in the situation. And you can fear reprisals if you leave.

Helping her come up with a plan for safety is vital. A family acting to support and shield someone from her perpetrator (or his) can make all the difference. You can try to understand the difficulty of the decision and her fear.

It’s important to not be in denial about the abuse. It can happen to anyone. There’s no race, creed or socioeconomic status that protects anyone from it. When there are children involved, it becomes very difficult to watch, and know how to help. She may need time to consider all her options, however, so there’s a fine balance between rushing in to save and waiting until she’s ready to face whatever fallout there might be from her leaving.

Click here for “Marriage Is Not For Chickens,” the new gift book by Dr. Margaret! It’s perfect for engagements, anniversaries, weddings, or for the person you love!

You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s new podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to her website and receive her weekly posts as well as her podcasts, plus Dr. Margaret’s eBook, “Seven Commandments of Good Therapy.”

You may also like:

10 Tips to Ease the Stress of “Sharing” Your Adult Children On the Holidays

Adult Children and the Holidays – New Perspectives on Sharing

When You Don't Like Your Child's Partner and Other Reasons Their Choice Hurts | Picture of young couple in the kitchen at a party. Mother in foreground with a mad look on her face and holding a cocktail

 

SaveSave

SaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSave

When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Partner and Other Reasons Their Choice Hurts was last modified: November 13th, 2018 by Dr. Margaret Rutherford
November 13, 2017 10 comments
0 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
The New Mommy Care Kit - 25 Essential Items for Post-Partum Pampering & Recovery. Items to ease her sore bottom, support nursing and other nice-to-have items for those first few weeks post-partum. The perf
Family

The New Mommy Care Kit – 25 Essential Items

One of the best parts of being a midlife woman on this side of 50 is the arrival of grandchildren! I spent last week with my younger daughter and her new baby. There’s nothing better than the smell of a newborn baby! This is grandbaby #3 for us. After the birth of each baby in our family, I put together a special gift bag for the new mommies. I call this my New Mommy Care Kit and it is filled with items to aid in their recovery and pamper them during the first few weeks post-partum.

The New Mommy Care Kit – 25 Essential Items

This post contains affiliate links for your convenience. If you make a purchase through one of these links, I will make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

  • Big Panties to hold the phone book sized pads you have to wear after having a baby. Since these panties will likely get stained, purchase some inexpensive boy shorts

Or for those who have had a C-section and don’t want anything rubbing against their incision some good, old-fashioned cotton briefs.

  • New moms, especially those who are nursing, tend to get dehydrated. To encourage her to drink plenty of water, get this Healthy Human Water Bottle that keeps her water cold up to 24 hours OR hot drinks warm up to 12 hours.
  • For dry skin, this Burt’s Bees Tips & Toes Kit with a variety of hand creams, foot creams and lip balm is great!
  •  Moisturizing Body Wash

Post Partum Care for a Sore Bottom

    • Sitz Bath
    • Inflatable Donut Cushion
    • Perineal Irrigation Bottle

 

  • Herbal Perineal Spray
  • Organic Perineal Balm
  • Organic Herbal Sitz Bath
  • Items for Padsicles (frozen pads with witch hazel, aloe vera and lavender oil – very soothing). Here’s what you need and how to make them.

 

Include these in your New Mommy Care Kit for the Nursing Mom

  • Organic Nipple Butter
  • Bamboobies Washable Nursing Pads
  • Lanisoh Disposable Nursing Pads
  • Organic Milkmaid Tea to help with milk production

Breastfeeding moms need to consume lots of calories but don’t always have time to stop and eat. Having snacks on hand that support breastfeeding like the Boobie Bar can be very helpful.  

    • Nursing gowns

 

  • Comfortable Nursing Sleep Bras

icon

  • Nursing Camis – These are great to wear around the house all day. Then when guests arrive, you just throw a blouse over them.

 

Extras for Your New Mom Pamper Kit

    • A month’s subscription to a Grocery Delivery Service such as Peapod, Safeway, Vons or Shipt (My daughters and I live in Texas and we LOVE Shipt!)
    • Extra set of sheets and an extra mattress pad. Many people don’t keep extra sheets and mattress pads on hand. They just wash them and re-make the bed. Those first few days post-partum, mom will likely need to change the bed several times and won’t want to have to wait for the bedding to get washed and dried before getting back in bed. Having extras on hand is just the little luxury that makes all the difference when you are sore and sleep-deprived!

 

Personalized Thank You Cards from Casserolis Note Cards

Whether you go all out and fill up a bag with ALL of these items or choose just a few, the new mommy in your family will love each and every one! Pamper her today!

You might also like:

5 Long-Distance Grandparenting Tips to Shrink the Miles Between You And Your Favorite Loved Ones

13 Things To Help Your Grandchild Succeed At School Whether You Live Near Or Far

New Mommy Care Kit | Mom Holding New Baby

The New Mommy Care Kit – 25 Essential Items was last modified: October 13th, 2018 by Cathy Lawdanski
February 21, 2017 28 comments
1 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
10 Tips For "Sharing" Your Adult Children On The Holidays by Guest Blogger Joan Stamen, the author behind Gramcrackercrumbs.com
Family

10 Tips To Ease The Stress Of “Sharing” Your Adult Children On Holidays

Here we are at the end of October with Thanksgiving just 4 weeks away! No doubt, if you are a midlife woman and have and have adult children, the conversations of who will be where and at what time have begun. If your kids are married or have significant others, you will likely be in the position to have to consider their “in-laws” plans when you make your schedule. And in the case of blended families, we have a whole slew of parents, grandparents, and steps.  Why can’t everybody just go home to their family of origin and meet up after the holidays?



Today, Joan Stommen, the mom and grandma behind the blog, GramcrackerCrumbs offers her perspective based on 20 years experience with all of this holiday “sharing”. Joan has 2 kids and 5 grandchildren who call her, what else?  Gramcraker!

 

Adult Children and The Holidays – 10 Tips to Ease the Stress of Sharing

Many of you have probably started shopping for gifts, made travel reservations or are busy unpacking decorations for the coming winter holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hannukah will soon be here. Have you thought about the actual day of celebration? If your adult children are married or living with significant others; whether you have grandchildren near or far….there are bound to be some question marks about where, when and with whom. After years of familiar routine, change rears its head when our kids grow up. For the past twenty years, my holidays were unpredictable and seemingly different every year. As needs arose and life interfered, I found some solutions that worked for us. Hopefully, you’ll find some soothing memory making ideas here.

  1. Remind yourself that it comes under the heading of letting go.

We send them off to college, help with wedding preparations and applaud their home and job choices. Welcoming another family member is how the empty nest begins to fill again. Our son was the first to marry and we loved the bonus of another daughter; but they married and settled in Michigan; several states away from us in Georgia. I think there was only time for a sigh of relief before it hit me…things would be different now.

 

  1. Respect that the newlyweds may want to host a big holiday themselves.

They married in late September and had an autumn honeymoon. The next thing we knew, they wanted to host Thanksgiving. My husband and daughter and I drove north, caught up in the excitement of the newlyweds hosting their first holiday. Having Thanksgiving dinner prepared by someone else and spending time with the other parents was a treat. But being invited back for Christmas was much harder. I didn’t like it and may have whined to my son, “please come to us, we always cut down a tree, decorate it, go to Christmas Eve Mass, get up at the crack of dawn tooogetherrrrr.” Her parents were not able to go, so my son’s pleading that their first Christmas was a really big deal touched my heart. Imagine my delight discovering he followed our same traditions; leaving milk and cookies for Santa, opening a gift on Christmas Eve, making us wait in the hallway Christmas morning until he turned on the lights and exclaimed, “SANTA WAS HERE!”



  1. When it’s your turn to host a family gathering, invite the son or daughter-in-law’s parents.

After our daughter married and bought a home nearby, my husband and I mostly hosted holiday dinners. Our son-in-law’s parents lived out of state, so when they were in town, we included them as well. I never realized in those early years that the other parents would soon become lifelong friends.

 

  1. Accept when you’re invited to their homes. Plans and places can change, but you’ll all be together and the kids will be all right. 

Sharing a Thanksgiving with my daughter-in-law’s blended family; another with my son-in-law’s extended family….so many that a big hall was rented….were two of the best times we ever had. Your children will beam as they watch the connection of their families grow. Thirteen years ago on a lovely, snowy evening, the young couple invited their moms out for drinks after a potluck Thanksgiving dinner. As the four of us relaxed, his mom and I blurted out at the same time, “when are we getting a grandchild?” We’d held our tongues for three years so we felt entitled. I loved us being on the same page; this favorite friend I now call my “grandmother-in-law.”

  1. Discuss your preferences as soon as possible before the holiday.

Whether it’s religious purposes, enough space to hold everyone, who really wants to cook, travel or medical considerations; early planning will make it easier for everyone. Letters and conversations throughout the year will make the ’planners’ more comfortable in expressing their wishes. Getting to know the other family members not only makes holiday preparations easier but builds a camaraderie that can only strengthen your kids’ bond in all aspects of marriage.

  1. If you find you’ll be on your own some Thanksgiving, Christmas or other event…take off!

Don’t stay home and fume or fret; take a road trip, make reservations for holiday dinner at a nice restaurant, head to the Bahamas. There will be years when all your kids go to their in-laws or have plans with pals. My husband and I traveled to San Antonio, Texas one Christmas Day, ate dinner at a Howard Johnson and toured the Alamo. The rest of the week we took day trips and enjoyed the Riverwalk events at night. It tickled us knowing we could have a blast and never missed Christmas with the kids at all!



  1. When the grandkids finally come along!

Always respect the new mother’s wishes first….especially the first year. Use common sense and again, discuss it well ahead of time. My son and daughter-in-law moved south to be near us when their first daughter was born. I felt great peace and contentment to do the holidays “my way” again; envisioning my daughter and the new little family all under our roof. But the new mom wanted Thanksgiving; hosting us and her parents from out of town. We hadn’t seen them since the wedding four years earlier and we had lots to catch up on about this new baby girl. Since we got to see our first grandchild frequently, we didn’t mind her other grandparents taking over the feeding, holding and rocking for a few days.

  1. Stagger the holidays by years if all parties are acceptable.

As time goes by, let your kids decide what works for them. They not only have in-laws to celebrate with but will want to host themselves some years. Some families only want Thanksgiving or Easter; others like to switch off. Open communication and flexibility is the key. Believe me….the day will come when going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house becomes the best for everyone!

  1. If everyone lives close enough, stagger the times for opening holiday presents. 

The whole magical scene will still be there later that afternoon, the next morning or even the next week. Eighteen years ago when our first grandchild came along, I insisted Santa would come down our chimney too…and fill stockings for everyone! Needless to say, he came down every year after and I had four more stockings embroidered with each grandchild’s name. I don’t recommend this; not only can it be costly, but potentially awkward too. It was a bit sticky for my daughter initially. She and her husband wanted their own Christmas morning ritual with their children and liked having Christmas Dinner at the other grandparents’ house. We agreed to wait until the following morning to open the gifts around our tree. Seeing the delight on little faces as they ran in the door made it all worthwhile. One year we spent Christmas morning with our California family; flew home that evening and had Christmas again the next morning with our Georgia family. (You know Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Leprechauns come even if you’re not home, right?)

  1. If you’re a long distant grandparent unable to join the celebration, you can still be present.

Just make sure you follow the parent’s suggestions first, then your grandchild’s request and lastly your own surprises. If you’ll miss a Thanksgiving or Easter Dinner, send things that can be included such as a candle or special prayer, inexpensive decorations, stickers or a new shirt or dress for the occasion. When I lived on the other side of the country from my older grandkids; I’d wrap and send gifts to go under their tree; then after Christmas, I’d send anything Santa had left under mine, including the filled stockings! Needless to say, we spoiled the kids and kept UPS and FedEx in business.

Now that I’m a widow and the grandkids are getting older, it amuses me that my son and daughter now want to ‘share’ mom! The first Christmas on my own, I went to my son’s, the next year to my daughter’s. Now he’s moved nearby and would like me to join in their holiday festivities. But I don’t see my daughter’s family as often, so it’d be worth a plane ticket to their house or….I may decide to spend my holidays doing something completely different. After years of appreciating their parents’ flexibility, I’m confident they’ll both be fine with whatever I decide.

What are your tips for peacefully “sharing” your kids and grandkids during the holidays?

Did you find this post helpful? Share it on Facebook or Pinterest!

You might also like:

Adult Children and the Holidays – New Perspectives On Sharing

Action Plan to Beat Holiday Stress

Top 10 Ways to Have a Great Relationship With Your Adult Children

Christmas Gifts for the Beer Lover

New Mommy Care Kit | 25 Essential Items

10 Tips To Ease The Stress Of "Sharing" Your Adult Children On Holidays | Picture of Adult Daughter hugging her mother

10 Tips To Ease The Stress Of “Sharing” Your Adult Children On Holidays was last modified: October 16th, 2018 by Joan Stommen
October 26, 2016 45 comments
0 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Author Doreen Mcgettigan shares how her holiday plans and perspective have grown and changed since her adult children began to get married and have children
Family

Adult Children And The Holidays – New Perspectives on Sharing, Part 1

 

Adult Children And the Holidays

The holidays are approaching and those of us who fall into the “midlife women” category likely have adult children who are married or have significant others. Some of us even have grandchildren. All that means is there are now other families within our sphere with whom we have to share our kids and grandkids!

I don’t know about you, but the first year I was faced with this, it was tough. And it had nothing to do with the in-laws or the actual logistics where my kids were on a given holiday. I think it was just one of those “letting go of” moments that I wasn’t emotionally prepared for.

Today’s post is from author and blogger Doreen Mcgettigan. Doreen and her husband have 5 grown children and 13 grandchildren. Here is how their holidays and Doreen’s perspective have grown and changed since those first holidays after her daughters married.


Stress-Free Holidays – Sharing Your Adult Children

I admit to being 100% selfish when it came to the holidays after my daughters got married. Of course, they would be home for each and every holiday with me and their siblings. We lived close by and saw each other nearly every day, but the holidays were different. The attendance of my adult children was a must.

We decided Christmas Eve would be spent at our house and Christmas Day they were free to visit with the in-laws. For Thanksgiving, they would have dinner with us and dessert with the in-laws.

Once my two oldest daughters had babies things started to change. My oldest daughter decided she wanted to have the holidays at her house so she could invite us and her in-laws. She’s the great compromiser. The other daughter’s in-laws were invited too.

We all chipped in by providing side dishes and drinks. I was upset at first but quickly realized how stress-free it was to get dressed, go to her house, enjoy the meal, the babies and then go home to my nice clean kitchen.

It worked out so well that she became the hostess for every single holiday for years.

Then my son got married and it all changed. My daughter-in-law wanted to be with her mother and her siblings for every holiday. Her family had their big celebration on Christmas Eve too. I was in trouble. Not only were holidays different, it was different with their babies too. My daughters called me several times a day while they were expecting. My daughter-in-law called her mother. I was so hurt at first but realized it’s different with daughters. I had to accept her closeness with her mother and realized how my daughter’s mothers-in-laws must have felt over the years. I felt so guilty. I conceded that we would take turns and simply make sure no one in our family was alone for any holiday.



Just to complicate our family more, I remarried and became step-mother to a young man. He often wanted to spend holidays with his mother and his step-sister. I told my husband we would just have him over as often as he could visit and it didn’t make any difference if it was a holiday or not.

What I won’t give up is the one- week family beach vacation we take every year. All the kids, their spouses and the grandchildren are invited. I encourage them all to at least come for a few days if they can’t spend the entire week. The cousins love the opportunity to play together all week. I live for and plan that week all year.

My stepson is still single. I’m sure he will eventually marry and have children and that will be another learning experience for me. We will be sharing him with his mother and his in-laws. I am so grateful his mother and I get along. That makes a big difference. I am again resigned to be happy with whatever time we do spend together and consciously choose to make that time as comfortable as possible so they want to spend time with us.

For me, it’s become all about the memories. With 13 grandchildren it is so important to make the time during the year to make each one of them feel special like they are our favorite. We enjoy coming up with just the right activity for each child. There are opportunities to create those beautiful memories anytime. We simply have to want to and then we must do the work needed to make it possible. We also have to make the time.



This year I want to work on spending more one on one time with my grown children. It’s been all about the grandchildren for so long now, I’m missing the closeness with my kids.

I am not willing to cause strife over attendance at a holiday meal. I am more interested in being part of a family that can get together anytime and make it a memorable holiday.

How do you work out the “sharing” of your kids and grandkids over the holidays? Share in the comments below.

Did you like this post? If you found it helpful, share it on Facebook or Pinterest!

You Might Also Like:

10 Tips For Sharing Your Adult Kids On Holidays

Leaving A Legacy for Your Children and Grandchildren

Action Plan to Beat Holiday Stress

Christmas Gifts for the New Homeowner

"Sharing" Your Adult Children On the Holidays | Picture of young man holding sparklers at a tabl

 

Author Doreen Mcgettigan shares how her holiday plans and perspective have grown and changed since her adult children began to get married and have children

 

 

 

 

Adult Children And The Holidays – New Perspectives on Sharing, Part 1 was last modified: October 16th, 2018 by Doreen Mcgettigan
October 19, 2016 47 comments
6 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Things you can do to leave a legacy of love, faith and commitment for your children and grandchildren.
Family

Legacy

There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention. Actually, it was a Memorial Service for Tish, my friend Cyndi’s mother that I attended on Saturday. Cyndi is a good friend and was a neighbor for many years. Our daughters were childhood friends. I did not know Tish well, but always enjoyed being around her at family gatherings or school events for the kids. Her death was sudden and unexpected.

Things you can do to leave a legacy of love, faith and commitment for your children and grandchildren.

 

[bctt tweet=”There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention.” username=”MySideof50″]

One word I think of when I think of Tish is that she was ENGAGED. Her children did not move far from the community from which they were raised, so Tish took every opportunity to be engaged in the lives of her children and grandchildren. She talked to her daughters on the phone every day.

And Tish was LIVELY. Not the stand out demanding to be the center of attention kind of lively. But a high energy, attentive woman who always had a twinkle in her eye. At the service, it was said that she did not want her funeral to be LONG or BORING. My sentiments exactly! Family – do you hear me?

Tish’s memorial started with some congregational singing of some of the old timeless hymns that she loved. Boy, how that moved me. The hymns of my childhood make me feel comforted, loved and reminded of the Truth.

[bctt tweet=”The old hymns make me feel comfort, loved and reminded of the Truth.” username=”MySideof50″]

The past 30 years or so, our churches have been filled with contemporary worship songs, which I love, but when times get tough, I want a hymn. Since I don’t think my kids will know many hymns, I am asking right now that all of my peers come and sing hymns at my funeral. Now I won’t be there to hear them, but doggone it, I want you to sing hymns anyway since I’m sure those are the only songs that Jesus really likes.

Back to Tish – Those who spoke of Tish, spoke of her faith in Jesus Christ. And that no matter how fabulous we all thought she was – a great mom, a great church member and a great friend, she knew she was a sinner just like all of us and needed a Savior. Her Savior was Jesus and I know that she wanted all of us to know Jesus as our Savior too.

Her husband of 53 years, Chico, got up and spoke at the end. Husband of 53 years – that in and of itself speaks volumes. I don’t know a thing about their marriage, but in 53 years there were likely disagreements, heartache and the maybe the temptation to give up. But they held on to their faith and each other. They were steadfast – a word we don’t hear often in our culture of disposable everything – relationships included.

Chico said that the word “suddenly” took on a whole new meaning for him that week when the love of his life SUDDENLY died. He told us to make peace now with anyone with whom we had a conflict. That we are not guaranteed another breath and whatever it is that comes between us and another is just not worth holding on to. Not worth a lifetime of regret at not getting it settled, resolved and forgiven. We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?

[bctt tweet=”We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?” username=”MySideof50″]

At the end of the service as Tish’s family walked out – heartbroken husband, daughters, sons-in-laws, grown grandchildren and their spouses. When I saw them, all I could think of was LEGACY. Tish left a lasting legacy. She prayed for her children and grandchildren every day. She called them out with an appropriate word or just that look that only a grandmother can get away with. She supported and encouraged them. She led by example. And today, the hardest of days, they were together – remembering Tish. Loving and supporting each other.

I’ve thought about Tish and Chico all weekend and the lessons I was reminded of at that service.

  • The things that bother me most of the time aren’t worth the time and energy it takes to get upset about them.
  • The things that are important are important enough to talk about and to resolve.
  • There are expressions of love and affirmation that need to be said and to not wait to say them.
  • To always remember that my children and grandchildren are watching me.
  • To be more intentional in my prayers for them.
  • To lead by example. Just like Tish did.
  • To not be careless with my words because they carry weight and will be remembered.

Thank you Tish. You were an inspiration and example to more people than you probably ever knew.

Like this post? Use the share buttons on the side or bottom of this post to SHARE it on Facebook!

You might also like:

Why The Resurrection Gives Me Hope

Saying Goodbye to a House

How to Make Sure You Say the Important Things

How to Talk to Your Parents About Their Funeral Arrangements

 

Legacy was last modified: October 2nd, 2017 by Cathy Lawdanski
September 7, 2016 51 comments
0 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest

About Me

About Me

Cathy Lawdanski

My name is Cathy. I am an over 50 wife, mother and grandmother who is embracing new challenges and adventures that come from being on "this side" of 50. Join me on the journey!

Tie A Scarf 3 Ways!

Like to accessorize with scarves, but are bored with the way you are tying them? Subscribe to the My Side of 50 and get 3 Fashionable Ways to Tie a Scarf!

Success! Now check your email to confirm your subscription and get your Free Download of 3 Fashionable Ways to Tie A Scarf.

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Powered by ConvertKit

My Side of 50 is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Sponsored

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

@2017 - My Side Of 50. All Right Reserved.


Back To Top