Tag

aging parents

Caring for the Caregiver – National Caregiver’s Month

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #TryTENAMEN #CollectiveBias

November is National Caregiver’s Month, a time when we recognize the challenges family caregivers face when their loved ones need caregiving around the clock. It is a huge task! And one that is no picnic for either the caregiver or the one that is being cared for.

You may purchased products by hovering over this image:

I remember caring for my dad in the months before he passed away. There is a sense of loss when you realize that there are things you just can’t do for yourself. You’ve lost all or part of your independence. You’ve may have lost much of your privacy. And if incontinence is an issue, you may feel like you’ve totally lost your dignity.

I think it’s particularly hard on men – whether it’s just bladder leakage or full-blown incontinence. As women, we start experiencing some bladder leakage when we are pregnant or after having a baby. It’s common. We joke about how we “pee a little” when we laugh or sneeze. There are commercials about products for bladder leakage in women. We don’t like it, but it’s not like it’s some big secret.

Do men talk about their bladder leakage issues like women do? Maybe, but I don’t see those conversations happening near as often. And that’s a shame because bladder leakage IS NOT uncommon in men either. An estimated 3.4 million men experience the Unexpected Leak™. There is no shame in it, but that is exactly what a lot of men feel when they experience this issue.

If a man you care about is experiencing the Unexpected Leak™, pick up a box of TENA® MEN™ Protective Shield at CVS. Designed with an ultra-thin thickness for comfort and a muted color for discretion, this product will protect against light drips and dribbles while letting him remain comfortable and secure.

Week of 11/05/2017 Buy 1 TENA product at CVS, Get 1 @ 50 % OFF

TENA® MEN™ Protective Shield.

The caregiver:

According to the National Alliance on Caregiving:

More than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled, or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one.

The typical family caregiver is a 49-year-old woman caring for her widowed 69-year-old mother who does not live with her. She is married and employed. Approximately 66% of family caregivers are women. More than 37% have children or grandchildren under 18 years old living with them.

I’ve been a caregiver and I have 3 friends who are caring for either parents or spouses right now. It’s hard. It’s never-ending. Their caregiving is an act of commitment and sacrifice that they willingly offer to someone they love.

But it is a lot for one person to handle. And even though many have family members who help in some way, more often than not, the bulk of that job usually falls on one person.

How to support a caregiver:

Most of us probably know someone who is serving as a caregiver right now. And there are ways you can support a caregiver and show your appreciation for all they do.

Connect with them. Caregiving can be very isolating. A card, a phone call or a text with a funny .gif or just a note saying you are thinking about them goes a long way.
Serve them
- Ask “What is on your to-do list today?” and then do a couple of those tasks for them.
- Put up their holiday decorations and when the holiday is over, take them down and put them away.
- Hire a lawn service or cleaning service.
- Pay for a month or two of grocery delivery service.
- Take them a meal or give them a gift card to a restaurant that delivers.
- If it is a situation where you can stay with the person needing care for a few hours, set up a time to do that to offer the caregiver some respite.
Treat them. Who doesn’t love a treat? Flowers, a fancy cupcake from the bakery – any little something out of the ordinary can brighten someone’s days. Or you can make a Caregiver’s Gift Basket with items like this:

Hand cream – Caregivers wash their hands a lot and a healing hand cream is very soothing to hands that feel dry.
Healthy snacks – In performing all the tasks that are involved, it’s easy to forget to eat. Healthy snacks like protein bars, trail mix and fruit are quick to grab when they have a minute and give them the energy they need.
Bath salts and a facial mask are perfect for a little pampering.
Herbal tea and an inspirational book to read for a minute or two of relaxation.
Chocolate. Is there any situation that is not helped by a little chocolate?

I picked up all these items at CVS. They have a great selection for all of these gift basket items at every taste and price point.

Do you know a caregiver who could use a little TLC? If you are a caregiver, what task or item would YOU add to the list?

SaveSave

SaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSave

November 7, 2017 2 comments

Be Brave

Legacy

There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention. Actually, it was a Memorial Service for Tish, my friend Cyndi’s mother that I attended on Saturday. Cyndi is a good friend and was a neighbor for many years. Our daughters were childhood friends. I did not know Tish well, but always enjoyed being around her at family gatherings or school events for the kids. Her death was sudden and unexpected.

[bctt tweet=”There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention.” username=”MySideof50″]

One word I think of when I think of Tish is that she was ENGAGED. Her children did not move far from the community from which they were raised, so Tish took every opportunity to be engaged in the lives of her children and grandchildren. She talked to her daughters on the phone every day.

And Tish was LIVELY. Not the stand out demanding to be the center of attention kind of lively. But a high energy, attentive woman who always had a twinkle in her eye. At the service, it was said that she did not want her funeral to be LONG or BORING. My sentiments exactly! Family – do you hear me?

Tish’s memorial started with some congregational singing of some of the old timeless hymns that she loved. Boy, how that moved me. The hymns of my childhood make me feel comforted, loved and reminded of the Truth.

[bctt tweet=”The old hymns make me feel comfort, loved and reminded of the Truth.” username=”MySideof50″]

The past 30 years or so, our churches have been filled with contemporary worship songs, which I love, but when times get tough, I want a hymn. Since I don’t think my kids will know many hymns, I am asking right now that all of my peers come and sing hymns at my funeral. Now I won’t be there to hear them, but doggone it, I want you to sing hymns anyway since I’m sure those are the only songs that Jesus really likes.

Back to Tish – Those who spoke of Tish, spoke of her faith in Jesus Christ. And that no matter how fabulous we all thought she was – a great mom, a great church member and a great friend, she knew she was a sinner just like all of us and needed a Savior. Her Savior was Jesus and I know that she wanted all of us to know Jesus as our Savior too.

Her husband of 53 years, Chico, got up and spoke at the end. Husband of 53 years – that in and of itself speaks volumes. I don’t know a thing about their marriage, but in 53 years there were likely disagreements, heartache and the maybe the temptation to give up. But they held on to their faith and each other. They were steadfast – a word we don’t hear often in our culture of disposable everything – relationships included.

Chico said that the word “suddenly” took on a whole new meaning for him that week when the love of his life SUDDENLY died. He told us to make peace now with anyone with whom we had a conflict. That we are not guaranteed another breath and whatever it is that comes between us and another is just not worth holding on to. Not worth a lifetime of regret at not getting it settled, resolved and forgiven. We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?

[bctt tweet=”We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?” username=”MySideof50″]

At the end of the service as Tish’s family walked out – heartbroken husband, daughters, sons-in-laws, grown grandchildren and their spouses. When I saw them, all I could think of was LEGACY. Tish left a lasting legacy. She prayed for her children and grandchildren every day. She called them out with an appropriate word or just that look that only a grandmother can get away with. She supported and encouraged them. She led by example. And today, the hardest of days, they were together – remembering Tish. Loving and supporting each other.

I’ve thought about Tish and Chico all weekend and the lessons I was reminded of at that service.

The things that bother me most of the time aren’t worth the time and energy it takes to get upset about them.
The things that are important are important enough to talk about and to resolve.
There are expressions of love and affirmation that need to be said and to not wait to say them.
To always remember that my children and grandchildren are watching me.
To be more intentional in my prayers for them.
To lead by example. Just like Tish did.
To not be careless with my words because they carry weight and will be remembered.

Thank you Tish. You were an inspiration and example to more people than you probably ever knew.

Like this post? Use the share buttons on the side or bottom of this post to SHARE it on Facebook!

How To Talk To Your Parents About Their Funeral Arrangements

Have you thought about how to talk to your parents about their funeral arrangements?

Although we don’t like to think about it, most of us will be charged with the task of planning a funeral for our parents. And it’s safe to say that we want to honor their wishes as to what happens after they die.

How To Talk To Your Parents About Their Funeral Arrangments

*Disclosure: Some of the items in this post are affiliate links and link to Amazon.com. If you purchase any of these products through the links, I receive a small commission. There is no extra charge to you for purchasing through my affiliate links.

Funeral Arrangements – Questions to Ask

There are many questions to ask.

Do you want to be buried or cremated?
If cremated, where do you want your ashes placed or buried?
What type of funeral or memorial service would you prefer?
What special music would you like?
Any special poems or Scriptures that you would like to be read?
Do you want flowers? If so, what kind?
In lieu of flowers, is there a particular organization that people may contribute to instead?

–Partial list taken from The Dutiful Daughter’s Guide to Caregiving: A Practical Memoir

The only information that I received from my parents was that their funeral was bought and paid for. When the time came, what that really meant was that they had purchased funeral plots, a casket and a few other essentials, but that was about it. The rest of the planning was up to my sister and me. Don’t get me wrong – the plans they made in advance were great. Since they bought plots in the 1960’s and paid for some of the other funeral costs in the 80’s, we saved a tremendous amount of money. And any decision that they made ahead of time was one we didn’t have to make in a time of sadness and distress.

No doubt about it, knowing what your parents want before the time comes gives all involved great comfort and clarity. But how in the heck to you BRING IT UP?

Here are a few suggestions of ways you can break the ice and begin the conversation with your parents:

“Mom and Dad, I know this may be an uncomfortable topic, but would you be open to talking about your funeral service and some of the ways you wish to be remembered? When the time comes, I want to know that we are carrying out a ceremony that you want rather than stressing with one another over the details.”
Talk about your own pre-planning efforts as a way of breaking the ice and ask if they have any pre-arranged plans.
Ask about some of their favorite traditions and how your family will continue those traditions for generations to come before finding a natural transition to family traditions around funerals and what their wishes are.
Talk to them about the stress you have seen in other families where the parents’ wishes were not known ahead of time. Tell them you would like to know what they desire and how they want to be remembered, so that their family doesn’t undergo this type of stress.
If they have attended a funeral recently, ask about how that was conducted, what they thought about it and if they have thought about what type of funeral or memorial service they would like to have.

It is great if you can begin this conversation with them before they are ill or terminal.

As you open up these lines of communication about funeral arrangements:

Listen as much as you talk. They may have firm ideas about their plans or they may have not thought of it at all.

Give them time. If this is the first time you have ever discussed funeral plans, do not try to push everything on your parents all at once. They might need to take a few weeks to figure out what they want, or even to come to terms with the idea that funeral planning is something that needs to happen in the first place.

It’s no big secret that none of us are going to get out of here alive. You’d think this would be a natural conversation that all families would have. More often than not, it just isn’t. But it doesn’t have to be hard or difficult. The hardest part is just getting started.

This excerpt (Planning with Barbra Streisand’s help) from The Dutiful Daughter’s Guide to Caregiving: A Practical Memoir* by Judith Henry shows how the author broached the conversation with her mother. May all our conversations with our parents be this tender and full of joy!

The Dutiful Daughter’s Guide to Caregiving: A Practical Memoir* is a fabulous resource for those of you who are in the midst of caring for an aging parent.

Have you had “the talk” with your parents about their funeral arrangements? How did you bring it up? Or did they? Let me know in the comments!

Why the Resurrection Gives Me Hope

Why The Resurrection Gives Me Hope

Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your Sting? 1 Corinthians 15:55

As Easter approaches, this scripture keeps running through my mind.

You don’t get to this side of 50 without experiencing the sting of death. Some have experienced more of the sting than others. At the very least, a lot of us are losing parents and other loved ones of the generation before us. In some cases, we are losing our spouses and peers.

I lost both of my parents in 2015 – Mom in February and Dad in September. I am only just now beginning to feel the full impact of that loss. Death stings. Sometimes the sting is intense. It really hurts and can paralyze you. Sometimes, it’s just in the background, but constant. Either way, it’s painful.

I was blessed to have my parents with me for 57 years. And except for the last couple of months of their lives, they were blessed with good health.

On every other Easter that I can remember, my focus has been more on Good Friday. On the day that Jesus died a cruel, horrible death, which served as the sacrificial penalty for my sins. I am so grateful that He did that for me.

This year, my focus is on Sunday morning. The Resurrection. When Jesus overcame death and came back to life to live forever.

The Resurrection gives me hope that death is not the end. For those who have accepted Jesus’ sacrifice for their sins, we can be sure that when our time on this earth is over, it is not the end. When our loved ones’ time on this earth is over, it is not the end. There is a resurrection. There is life beyond what we experience in this world. There will be a time when death will no longer sting because we will be alive and live with Jesus forever.

“Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting?”

While the sting is real in the here and now, having the confidence that it is only for a little while gives me hope and comfort.

Celebrating the Resurrection with all of you and remembering my Mom & Dad.

Cathy

You Might Also Like:

Leaving A Legacy For Your Children And Grandchildren

March 24, 2016 25 comments

How To Restore Damaged Nails After Gel,…