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grandchildren

5 Tips Long Distance Grand-Parenting Tips to Shrink the Miles Between You and Your Favorite Loved Ones | Technology | Snail Mail | Reminder Cues | Visit Often | Leave Mementos

5 Long Distance Grand-Parenting Tips to Shrink the Miles Between You and Your Favorite Loved Ones

Are you a Long-Distance Grandparent? We are blessed to have all 3 of our grandkids VERY CLOSE to us. But for many, with our mobile society and our adult kids taking jobs all over the world, that is not the case. One of my favorite midlife bloggers, Caryn Payzant of The Midlife Guru, is a long-distance grandparent. She lives in California, while her grandkids live in Washington and Ohio. Although she is not having the “close in proximity” grandparenting experience she anticipated, she has found ways to stay connected to those she loves the most in the world. Here are her 5 Long-Distance Grandparenting Tips to Shrink the Miles Between You and Your Favorite Loved Ones.

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I anticipated with delight being a Grammie. After all, when your kids are all grown, moved out of the house, married, successful in their careers — what else could be better to look forward to?
I always planned that when I became a Grammie, I would be the kind of Grammie that was hands-on involved with my grandchildren’s’ lives. Babysit at least once a week to give the parents a free date night. Take my grandchildren on regular outings. Make and eat treats together. Create cute little projects. Go to their special events. Share secrets. Have sleepovers. You know– the memory making, good friend, always around, spoiler kind of Grammie.

Well, that was the plan—until reality set in. You see, my grandchildren — four adorable grandsons to date — live hundreds of miles away, making it nearly impossible for me to do all the things I had intended.

Due to circumstances out of my control, I have been relegated to long distance Grammie status. At first, I thought long distance grand-parenting was going to be a real drag. It was killing me not to be able to have play dates with my grandchildren. Then I decided, instead of wallowing in my predicament, I would get creative and establish ways that I could have the kind of Grammie-hood I had always envisioned while being miles away. Here are my Long Distance Grand-Parenting Tips; proven ways that have shrunk the distance and strengthened my Grammie ties:

1. Embrace Technology. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to have not have regular communication with my grandsons. Thank heavens for technology. Cell phones, tablets, and computers are my number one tools I use to hear and see my grandchildren on a regular basis. And it certainly helps that kids today learn pretty early how to use and enjoy these tools as well. FaceTime is our favorite. Not only do we talk and make funny faces, the boys share their school work and latest Lego designs, they give me a tour of their rooms and they show me what they are eating. They like me to show them when I put up my holiday decorations or what the sun looks like (since in Washington and Ohio they don’t get to see it much).

Skype is another great use of technology. After all, their motto is, “Wherever you are, wherever they are-Skype keeps you together.” Because you can add more people, it’s fun to get all the cousins together for a chat. The boys also like it when I read them stories. Skype allows me to use my hands to hold up the book and show the pictures as I read– just as if they were in person. The only part we are missing out on with Long Distance Grand-Parenting is having them cuddle up to me or sit on my lap.

2. Utilize Snail Mail- I know it’s old-fashioned, but who doesn’t like getting mail? I send cards for all holidays and I’ve even been known to make up special occasions just so that I can send something fun. Small packages are great to send too, especially if a birthday is a long ways off.

3. Create Reminder Cues. I’ve made visual and auditory reminders for my grandsons so that they can remember the sound of my voice or the look of my face when we haven’t communicated in a while. Of course pictures in frames, scrapbooks, or calendars are always welcomed. I’ve used templates on online sites like Shutterfly or Blurb to help me with my designs. Another favorite I made, using the site Heritage Makers, was a deck of playing cards using our family pictures as the faces for the cards. When they were younger, the boys used the cards for a matching game. Now that they are older, it is fun to use these cards to play “real” card games with them like War or Hearts.

The grandsons also really enjoy audio books my husband and I have recorded. My favorites are recordable books by Hallmark. They are reasonably priced (you can use a Hallmark coupons to purchase them), sturdy, wipeable (think dirty fingerprints), and easy to record. The selection of books has grown over the years since I have been using them, adding classic titles and modern themes like superheroes. Since Christmas is the time I really miss being a part of, I made sure both families had a holiday title where they can hear us read all season long. After all, that is something I would definitely be doing if I lived closer.

4. Visit Often. Of course, nothing is better than in-person interactions. I try to plan a visit twice a year. It’s certainly a lot easier for me to go see the grandchildren than to have their parents schlep all their paraphernalia across the country to come see us. To help with my travel costs, I subscribe to a couple of airline sites that have frequent stops to where I need to go. Southwest Airlines “Ding.” alerts me on my cell phone whenever there is a special deal to airports in Washington and Ohio. Having credit cards associated with miles is also a good way to cut down on airfare expense. No matter what airline you fly, buying a ticket on the internet at the airline’s website is always cheaper. I have a set price that I am willing to pay for my visits and I am always able to meet that price if I am flexible in timing my visits.

5. Leave Momentos. When I visit, I bring “Grammie Gifts,” inexpensive gifts for each day of my trip. The dollar store is my favorite go-to place to buy these gifts. My Grammie Gifts usually follow a theme (holiday, season), and are something tangible to remember me and the things we did together during my visit. Things like a craft project or a game; baking supplies to make cookies; a book or a puzzle. Grammie Gifts are a great conversation starter for when I return home; ” How is the ….” Just another way to build on our memories until we see each other again.

While Long Distance Grand-Parenting isn’t my first choice, I’ve still been able to come up with some unique ways to stay connected with the most precious little people I know and love: my grandsons. Hopefully, someday, we will all live closer. Until then, I will keep doing my best to be a real presence in my grandsons’ lives as a Long Distance Grand-Parent.

Are you a long distance Grammie too? How do you manage your Long Distance Grand-Parenting?
***For a view from the “other side of Long Distance Grand-Parenting,” please check out an article my oldest daughter wrote on this topic a few years ago on her blog: the stationery place Being the mom of a long distance grandchild, she had a lot to offer on this topic as well.

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13 Things To Help Your Grandchild Succeed At School Whether You Live Near Or Far

Since back to school season is upon us, I’ve been thinking about my grandson who will be entering 4th grade and the two other grandkids who won’t be far behind him! If you are a grandparent you know how much you love those little stinkers and that there is not anything in the world you wouldn’t do for them. Do you know that whether you live near the grandkids or far away that you can help your grandchild succeed at school? And that starts when they are babies – not just when they go to Kindergarten.

So, in honor of “back-to-school” season, I’ve asked my friend and long-time educator, Shelley Merchant to guest post on this topic. Shelley’s blog is Taming Frenzy and her mission is to help busy working women improve their lives while managing the multiple demands on their time!

13 Things To Help Your Grandchild Succeed At School

My friends who are grandparents tell me it’s the most wonderful experience ever! A little bundle of pure love that you get to send home to Mommy and Daddy when you’re tired. My own mother used to describe being a grandparent as “joy multiplied, worry divided.”

As a former teacher and administrator, I’ve seen first hand how a grandparent’s influence, skills, perspective, and resources can have a great impact on a child’s education.

Here is my list of 13 Things To Help Your Grandchild Succeed At School

Foster a Love of Reading

A child who loves to read will become a good reader. And a good reader has the foundation to learn anything.

Make story time with your grandchild a priority from the time they’re born. From the time they’re old enough to sit on your lap, read books to them. Children learn a lot from this:

How to hold a book.
That the marks on the pages represent words.
How pages are turned.
That pictures add context to the written word.
That reading is an activity which can calm us, excite us, inspire us, teach us, and transport us to new and exciting worlds.

Research shows that children who are read to from an early age approach reading as a desirable activity and are more likely to become life-long readers. If you did nothing else, this is an incredible gift!

Give books as gifts and keep age appropriate books at your house.
Take them to the library or the bookstore. While there you can:

Point out that there are many different kinds of stories. Explain that different people enjoy different genres and that all have value.
Introduce them to a wide variety of magazines that are published and let them peruse some that are written for children their age.

Play Games and Put Together Puzzles Together

Play Cards and Board Games – Games like Old Maid, Go Fish and Checkers help your grandchild master and refine skills while they are having fun. Games help children learn to count, recognize shapes, colors, and symbols.
Put Together Puzzles – Puzzles teach kids to look at the big picture while also focusing on minute details.

Playing games and putting together puzzles help children learn:

How to take turns.
How to work and play cooperatively with others.
How to pay attention.
How to focus effort and energy.

All of these are skills that a child needs to learn and that can have a major impact on their readiness for school and their ability to interact successfully with the school environment.

Be Present

How much you are able to be present is largely affected by how close you live to your grandchild, but as you are able:

Attend events at school – Open House, special programs and sporting events.
Have lunch at school with your grandchild.
Volunteer at their school.

Throughout their lives

Talk about the importance of education. Give specific examples of how you used something you learned in school. This helps children understand that even if they don’t think a subject or concept is important right now, it may be in the future.
Take your grandchild to an event at your alma mater or nearby college. Something like attending a football game is exciting and very likely to make the prospect of attending college appealing.
Continue to model reading! Talk to your grandchild about what type of books and/or magazines you like to read. Let them see you reading the newspaper, your Kindle, or articles on the computer.
Talk about your occupation. Why did you choose the career path you did? How did it fit with your natural skills and interests? If you were choosing today, would you make the same choices?
Contribute to their college fund! Money set aside will grow right along with the child. This sets the expectation that education beyond high school, be it college, trade or technical training is a good thing.

You’re a bigger influence than you realize

It’s easy to think that parents are the only ones who will shape a child’s attitudes when it comes to learning. But grandparents have more of an influence than you might think.

A listening ear or encouraging word when they are frustrated or discouraged can be just the thing your grandchild needs to keep trying.

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Whether you live near a grandchild or far away, your support and participation will have a lasting impact on your grandchild’s love of learning!

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Legacy

There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention. Actually, it was a Memorial Service for Tish, my friend Cyndi’s mother that I attended on Saturday. Cyndi is a good friend and was a neighbor for many years. Our daughters were childhood friends. I did not know Tish well, but always enjoyed being around her at family gatherings or school events for the kids. Her death was sudden and unexpected.

[bctt tweet=”There is nothing like a funeral to get your attention.” username=”MySideof50″]

One word I think of when I think of Tish is that she was ENGAGED. Her children did not move far from the community from which they were raised, so Tish took every opportunity to be engaged in the lives of her children and grandchildren. She talked to her daughters on the phone every day.

And Tish was LIVELY. Not the stand out demanding to be the center of attention kind of lively. But a high energy, attentive woman who always had a twinkle in her eye. At the service, it was said that she did not want her funeral to be LONG or BORING. My sentiments exactly! Family – do you hear me?

Tish’s memorial started with some congregational singing of some of the old timeless hymns that she loved. Boy, how that moved me. The hymns of my childhood make me feel comforted, loved and reminded of the Truth.

[bctt tweet=”The old hymns make me feel comfort, loved and reminded of the Truth.” username=”MySideof50″]

The past 30 years or so, our churches have been filled with contemporary worship songs, which I love, but when times get tough, I want a hymn. Since I don’t think my kids will know many hymns, I am asking right now that all of my peers come and sing hymns at my funeral. Now I won’t be there to hear them, but doggone it, I want you to sing hymns anyway since I’m sure those are the only songs that Jesus really likes.

Back to Tish – Those who spoke of Tish, spoke of her faith in Jesus Christ. And that no matter how fabulous we all thought she was – a great mom, a great church member and a great friend, she knew she was a sinner just like all of us and needed a Savior. Her Savior was Jesus and I know that she wanted all of us to know Jesus as our Savior too.

Her husband of 53 years, Chico, got up and spoke at the end. Husband of 53 years – that in and of itself speaks volumes. I don’t know a thing about their marriage, but in 53 years there were likely disagreements, heartache and the maybe the temptation to give up. But they held on to their faith and each other. They were steadfast – a word we don’t hear often in our culture of disposable everything – relationships included.

Chico said that the word “suddenly” took on a whole new meaning for him that week when the love of his life SUDDENLY died. He told us to make peace now with anyone with whom we had a conflict. That we are not guaranteed another breath and whatever it is that comes between us and another is just not worth holding on to. Not worth a lifetime of regret at not getting it settled, resolved and forgiven. We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?

[bctt tweet=”We KNOW we aren’t promised tomorrow. But why do we always act like we have forever?” username=”MySideof50″]

At the end of the service as Tish’s family walked out – heartbroken husband, daughters, sons-in-laws, grown grandchildren and their spouses. When I saw them, all I could think of was LEGACY. Tish left a lasting legacy. She prayed for her children and grandchildren every day. She called them out with an appropriate word or just that look that only a grandmother can get away with. She supported and encouraged them. She led by example. And today, the hardest of days, they were together – remembering Tish. Loving and supporting each other.

I’ve thought about Tish and Chico all weekend and the lessons I was reminded of at that service.

The things that bother me most of the time aren’t worth the time and energy it takes to get upset about them.
The things that are important are important enough to talk about and to resolve.
There are expressions of love and affirmation that need to be said and to not wait to say them.
To always remember that my children and grandchildren are watching me.
To be more intentional in my prayers for them.
To lead by example. Just like Tish did.
To not be careless with my words because they carry weight and will be remembered.

Thank you Tish. You were an inspiration and example to more people than you probably ever knew.

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