retirement

Have you ever thought about needing to have a strategy for time management in retirement? Or are you looking forward to retirement as the season of finally having unlimited time to pursue your interests at a leisurely pace? Just getting up and doing what you want when you want to? You may have to think again.

In the midlife “space” where I publish this blog, there is lots of talk about women pursuing new interests after the kids leave home or they retire. That period of time can be filled with a lot of angst and confusion as women figure what they want to do in this new season of life.

But eventually, they hit their stride as they step out, try new things and discover a whole world of possibilities. They begin filling their time with things that bring them joy. Trying things they always wanted to do and never had time for. It could be a hobby. Or taking the time to exercise. Or perhaps embarking on a different career path.

Then, this happens. Grandchildren are born. Parents get old and need help. Husbands retire.  Friends and family members assume you have a lot of time on your hands and are free to help them out whenever they call. Before you know it, there is no time left for you to pursue that thing you have found that gives you a reason to get up in the morning.

While family and helping others are an important part of life, if you’re not careful, everyone else and THEIR needs can take over and you have no time left for YOU.  And if you don’t protect your time, there will be no time for you!

My Story

After raising my kids, leaving my job in the non-profit sector and caring for both of my parents before they died, I discovered blogging. I love it. It is so different than anything I have ever done before. What was once just a hobby has now become a part-time business. It’s work for sure, but the writing and creativity and relationships that are part of the blogging world fill my soul. I find that if I don’t get to blog, I get grumpy.

I am also blessed that both of my adult daughters and 3 grandchildren live close to me and I get to see them all the time. I love my girls and the grandkids. I would do anything for them.

But I recently discovered that if I wasn’t careful, I could be taking care of the grandkids or going to kids activities every night of the week. And that was infringing on the time that I blog and do things to take care of myself like exercise, cook healthy meals and rest.

I must offer this disclaimer. My daughters are wonderful. They always ask if I can help with the kids. They never assume that I am available. If they ask and I say no, it doesn’t make them mad.

We’ve talked a lot about the fact that I have raised my kids and am Gaga now. The fun one, not the parent. The back-up – not the one who is responsible. They totally get it.

They also know that they all get the best of me when I take care of myself and have a life of my own besides them. I have friends whose adult children are NOT as gracious as mine and feel absolutely entitled to their mother’s time! UGH!

But grandchild care issues don’t have to be the thing that eats away at your time.

• Maybe your spouse has retired and wants your attention 24/7. Or wants you to stop whatever you’re doing to do something with them. Or be home to fix them lunch every day.
• Maybe your parents or other family members call and want you to come at the drop of a hat (when there is not an emergency).
• Maybe people from your church or other organizations assume that you can fill in or take on a lot of other responsibilities because you are retired or an empty nester.

Or sometimes it’s not OTHERS who sabotage your time.  It’s YOU!

• Do you drop everything to help out with your kids or grandkids even if they don’t ask? Maybe because you feel guilty and you feel like you SHOULD? After all you are just doing ________.
• Do you assume that because your husband is retired, it’s now your job to make sure you have 3 meals on the table every day, even if he can take care of himself, doesn’t ask you to and is perfectly capable of making a sandwich?
• Do you feel guilty spending the time to pursue your own interests and passions, so you volunteer all over the place because you feel like you SHOULD, always putting your need for fulfillment last?

Don’t let any of that happen! In order to thrive in retirement, you need to protect your time.

Instead, try this:

• Communicate! Talk to friends and family members about what you are doing, why it’s important to you and why you are scheduling the time to do it. Ask for their support. I did this with my daughters and received nothing but cooperation and understanding from them.

 

• Schedule the time that you need to do whatever YOU are doing first. For example, I work out every day at 4:30. Sunday afternoon is my time to read and rest. I go out to dinner with my girlfriends once a month. I work on my blog every day from 8-4.  Whatever it is that you do for you –  get it on the calendar and let everyone know.

 

• Decide in advance what you are willing to do for others and be pro-active in scheduling that time. If someone gets their feelings hurt because they think that you setting some boundaries means you don’t care for them, say something like, “I’m sorry I won’t always be available when you call, but because you are important to me,  I’d like to schedule this time __________ to do________”.

Here’s how I worked out my schedule:

• Kept two eldest grandkids 2 nights a week while Daughter #1 had some important appointments and no other childcare options.
• Eldest Grandson had 2 baseball practices and 2 games a week. I said that I would attend one baseball event a week.
• Daughter #2 and husband attend a church group one night a week. I said I would keep their baby every other week, alternating with another family member.

Does that mean I never waiver from the schedule? No!

Or that if there is a real emergency or need that I don’t jump in to help? Absolutely not!

Or that I don’t sometimes drop everything to take my daughters to lunch or just hang out with the grandkids? No way. I love all of those things.

My point is, it’s important to find the things that fulfill you and make them a priority. If the thing that brings you joy is babysitting the grandkids every day while their parents work – do it!

If you find great fulfillment pursuing interests and activities with your retired husband – do it!

If just having the time to “be there” for friends and family when they need you, by all means – give yourself permission to do it.

None of us is the same. It’s not an all or nothing or one size fits all proposition.  Just remember to protect and manage your time so that you have time for YOU!

Have you found time as an empty-nester or retiree to pursue what gives you joy? How do you manage your time so that you have plenty of it to devote to these pursuits?

This post first appeared on Sizzling Towards Sixty and Beyond.

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Is retirement on the horizon for you or your spouse? I must admit, my radar is definitely up on this topic because although we don’t have a set date, I know my husband’s working days are numbered. And I’ve often wondered, “What will Tony do if he’s home all day?” “What will I do if he’s home all day”? But there are a lot more things to ask and to consider when retirement for anyone is looming. So I am pleased to welcome Elizabeth Estelle from Goal Accomplished to the blog today. She and her husband are a year into this retirement gig.  Here’s her Transition to Retirement: What You Should Know.

My husband retired last year on July 1, 2017. He had worked for 31 years for our local school system and he was ready to be out and to work on his own projects.  When you’ve set your actual retirement date, you go into a stage I call “Meetings”.  And since we agree with the proverb: two heads are better than one, we attended these meetings together.

Transition To Retirement: Meetings

Work meetings: We went to meetings with the Human Resources department and filled out forms for direct deposit and made decisions about which health care plan we would need.

Financial Meetings: We went to an investment advisor. Most people do not retire at the same income level as when they were working. Budgeting and financial obligations have to be addressed seriously and realistically. Our investment advisor gave us good information on how to best use the money we had saved.

Meetings between husband and wife: We also discussed the following questions that involved how we would spend our money:

Would we need one car now or still two?

We didn’t need to buy work clothes anymore so how would our wardrobes be changing?

We wanted to travel but did we still want to camp or were we now at the hotel stage of life?

Pension Meetings: We went to a meeting with the retirement pension people. They explained the 16 different options we had to choose from. We thought they would also be advising us, but their job was only to explain the options. After a certain number of days, that choice was irrevocable. Our financial advisor was a big help with which option would work best for our situation.

Maybe you have heard that retirement is all fun- but as a housing counselor, I saw a lot of retired people who were not having fun. They were in unmanageable debt because they couldn’t manage their money, there was no money to manage and/or they had health problems that had used up their money. It is essential that you know your income and your expenses. That information is crucial to your financial decisions at this time of life.

Transition to Retirement: Time Management

 

The next stage of retirement is called Time Management. How are you going to spend your time now that you are in charge of your schedule?

My husband and I agree that you need to make sure you are taking good care of your best friend, your spouse. It is extremely sad to us to hear about post-retirement divorces. In each stage of life, there are struggles, but with the help and support of your spouse, you can make it through together.

Retirement should be the time when you can reap some of the rewards of working hard for years and years and years. Make sure husbands that you are taking care of your wife through the years so that you can enjoy retirement happily together!

Wife, make sure you are helping your husband as he transitions into retirement. It is a big change for both of you!

Don’t get frustrated-keep talking through things.

Volunteering: Once you are retired, there may be people who think you can now do all the work at your volunteer organization or church. While you might want to spend some extra time helping, how are you going to manage how much time you spend volunteering?

Hobbies: We know of one man who retired with the expectation of finally being able to play golf whenever he wanted to. What he discovered was that after 3 months, he was tired of playing golf!

Make sure you have some hobbies and ways to spend your time. The more meaningful you view your activity, the more enjoyment you will get out of it. One contractor we know enjoys helping out with house maintenance for his elderly neighbors. Floyd says “I’m taking the hands-on stuff that I’ve done for years and I’m using those skills to help people.”

Since both my husband and I are home now, we have to purposefully make a social calendar. We still want to get out and see people. We had different ideas about what our social interactions would look like, so we have had to work through that.

He doesn’t necessarily like going to lunch with my former co-workers but he does. I don’t necessarily like going to cut trees and move brush, but I do. We keep doing things together because we like to be together.

Transition to Retirement: Travel

Now it is June 2018. Since last year we have traveled thousands of miles during 9 trips. We have driven to Manitoba Canada, Denver, Colorado, seen family in Connecticut, visited the Creation Museum and Ark in Kentucky, taken our daughter to college in SC, driven to Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming, flown to San Francisco three times, seen the Living Gallery presentation at Bob Jones University (phenomenal), visited SeaWorld and Key Largo, FL.

We won’t always be able to travel so much, but while we can, we will. We enjoy visiting our family and friends all over the country and in Canada. We are having fun as we figure out what new adventure is on the horizon. In between our travels, there is plenty of lawn to mow and gardens to weed.

I hope this post helps you as you go through the meetings, time management and transitioning stage of your life. Happy Retirement! Now on to new adventures! If you are new to retirement life, how are you filling up your time? Please comment below.

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